Local Man’s Game Recap (Yankees 9, Red Sox 3)

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CARVER, Mass. – Buncha bums. Had to turn on the hockey game to get my spirits up. I don’t usually watch much hockey even with the Broons being what they’ve been. Too Canadian for my tastes. But the baseball tonight was of piss-poor quality. Piss…Poor.

First off, though, I’m no ingrate. I’ll tip my scally cap to Jake Ellsbury – just this once. Triple to start the game. Kinda all went downwards from there on out. I was already in a bad mood. The Cumberland Farms cashier gave me a stink eye for topping off my coffee this morning. That shit is pure swill to begin with. Farmhouse roast my ass. Who’s farmhouse, exactly? Barnhouse roast, maybe.

I don’t like this Tanaka. The guy never throws the ball over the plate but somehow seems to get ahead every count. Nibble, nibble nibble. Keep nibblin’ Tonka. You’ll be just like Dice-K pretty soon.

Eck was squirting up his Dockers talking about him after the game. But blue was giving him everything under the sun. Guess that helped.

All the while, Jonny Lester was obviously getting squeezed. Especially in the second. Threw ‘im off his game. The bases were loaded because Jeter pulled that act where he throws his wrists over home plate on outside pitches to make the ump think the ball’s outside. Any other batter in the league does that and it’s chin music. Right in the chops. Jeter – A total scoundrel right up to the end.

Some silver linings to that inning though, seeing Dusty step in and calm Jonny down. Nice little man-up moment. The next pitch, Pedey turned a pretty around-the-horn DP. Keeps the game Two-Zip.

Things went south from there. Ortiz and Nap both tattooed baseballs but you don’t get extra credit for socking a solo home run onta the Charlesgate Bridge.

Tell yous one thing: B’s won 3-0 tonight. I’d give anything to see a Sox win at that score right about now.

Ed. Note: Carver man and friend of the site Francis Flynn is an avid Red Sox fan, Boston-born and bred. Flynn’s day job is maintaining a 10-acre cranberry bog and tract of farmland that has been in his family for three generations. But his passion is following his region’s most beloved baseball team. Flynn recently agreed to provide Fenway Pastoral readers with his own recaps throughout the 2014 regular season. All we had to do in return was promise to publish his pieces unedited and to send him a case of Miller High Life (bar bottles were specified) every week.

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