Tag Archives: Jenny Dell

Clay Buchholz’s Love Doctor Mailbag: ‘A Lonely October’ Edition

Posted on September 23, 2014 | Leave a comment

clay-buchholz lindsay clubine

The 2014 season didn’t exactly go as scripted for the Red Sox or for right-handed starter and former ladies man Clay Buchholz, who now leads a quiet domestic life with his wife (model Lindsay Clubine) and their two daughters. Injuries forced ol’ Buck from the saddle for a time in the middle of the year, but Clay is trying to re-insert himself into the conversation as a front-end starter as the team closes out 2014 and looks ahead to bigger and better things in 2015. Buchholz was kind enough to lend his legendary insight to Fenway Pastoral by answering some questions from readers during a recent off day.

Clay,

Can you please have a sit down with Will Middlebrooks and figure out what’s going on? He’s gripping that bat awfully tight these days and it’s hard not to conclude his personal life with Jenny Dell is having some sort of impact. What is he out of his league with her? Are his struggles the universe’s sick way of re-establishing a balance? I’m worried this chick is like the ultimate Reverse Slumpbuster.

-Greg from Whitman

Greg, these strikeouts have to be pretty frustrating for him. I think the poor kid’s just trying too hard. You may be on to something I suppose. But remember, Will did have some injury issues earlier this year, so I’ll give him a mulligan for that. Then again, I am pretty worried that this NFL sideline reporter gig Jenny’s got now is going to create some tension. At least when she was with NESN, she and Will were in the same city and got to go home together at the end of the day even on road trips. I don’t think I’d want my wife anywhere near these handsy NFL dudes for four months – or Ian Eagle and Dan Fouts for that matter.

Clay,

What do you make of this whole Jonathan Papelbon controversy? He grabbed his crotch while staring down the crowd in Philly, which was booing him as he walked into the dugout. Classless, disgusting act if you ask me…

-Marianne from New Bedford

Marianne, you sound like a proper lady and I understand where you’re coming from. But I remember years ago, I used to meet plenty of nice dames by making eye contact from across a crowded club or dance floor and doing that exact same move. I’ve got to assume Pap spied somebody in the stands who he thought was pretty cute and he probably just forgot where he was for a brief, ill-fated moment.

Either way though, Pap’s got to recognize the life and times he lives in. This ain’t the old days anymore – the camera is always trained on you. Just look at this shot of me walking back to the Fenway dugout recently – smartphones just zeroing in on me like a rockstar. Guys in our shoes are afforded a lot of things, but fixing yourself in public is one of those luxuries that you lose in the process. Sigh.

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Clay,

Did you see that A-Rod joined LinkedIn? Would you ever consider joining a career networking site to supplement your off-the-field earnings? I’m sure you’ve got some good years left in the tank, but everybody needs a fall-back plan right?

– Rick from Springfield

Rick, I don’t have any fancy “ARod Corp.”-like side ventures going on right now. I like to fly a bit lower on the radar. I don’t need some broad who saw me six years ago at some Penthouse party back when I was dating Erica Ellyson triangulating my whereabouts using some weirdo stalker algorithm. I leave my past in the past, my friend. (Which, incidentally, is a pretty good motto to live by if you’ve ever been into that whole dating porn stars thing – they just don’t age very well…).

Buchholz networking

Clay back in his heyday, doing some true “social networking.”

Clay,

On average, you take 25.6 seconds to fulfill your off-the-back-of-the-mound baseball massaging, sniffing, snorting, deep-breath pre-pitch routine. This pace is by far the slowest of any pitcher on the Red Sox staff and third in all of major league baseball behind David Price and Jorge De La Rosa. You better start speeding it up a bit – Tom Werner just joined a committee that’s looking at creative ways to speed up the ball game and I’ve got to assume your name’s gonna come up as a culprit to be reckoned and dealt with.

– Mary from Lynnfield

Mary, pitching is an art and the baseball field is, as a practitioner of said art, my milieu – my stage, if you will. A good performance, top-notch entertainment cannot be rushed. A guy like Tom Werner who made his hay using a canned, 22-minute sitcom format cannot possibly understand this principle.

Clay,

You’re slated to start the last game of the season at Fenway against the Yankees. You could in theory be the last pitcher to pitch to Derek Jeter before he hangs it up for good. It’s a pretty hot ticket right now – people could be paying $300 a pop for tickets if the Yanks are OK with his last game being in Boston. Will you give him something to hit as part of some unwritten baseball player “bro code”? You know, one ladies’ man to another?

– Rod from Plympton

Everybody wants to force this sex symbol vs. sex symbol narrative on us, Rod. I’ve had it. Sure, the ladies love me and Derek and all that but I think we’re both pretty bashful about it. As for deliberately grooving one into his wheelhouse, I think that would probably be pretty insulting. Having said that, I think it’d be pretty rude of him to take me deep if I accidentally hang one in the strike zone. We’ll see what kind of gentleman this guy really is come Sunday…

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This Week in Boston Baseballing, May 23 – 29

Posted on May 30, 2014 | Leave a comment

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The Red Sox snapped a brutal, offense-starved 10-game losing streak in Atlanta on Memorial Day. Boston won the next night as well for only its second series sweep of the 2014 season – both of which have been of two-game variety. Back home in Boston, the Sox won their 10th game of the month Wednesday behind a very strong start from John Lackey and reaped the benefit of a variety of gifts courtesy of the sloppy Atlanta Braves defense. The team’s four-game win streak is its longest of the season.

Boston needed somebody in the lineup to get hot and it appears Xander Bogaerts will do just fine in that role for now.

 

The 10-Year Anniversary of the 2004 World Series Champs
On Wednesday night, the Red Sox held a ceremony celebrating the (almost) 10-year anniversary of the 2004 World Series victory. The highlight of the evening was Manny Ramirez’s return to Fenway. His tenure as a Red Sox was complicated. Fans loved him. Reporters mostly appreciated his talent but were incapable of discussing said talent without bringing up the baggage he’d acquired along the way to becoming one of the best right-handed hitters of his generation.

The severity of Manny’s transgressions depends on who you ask. The Boston media liked to portray him as a clubhouse cancer. There is more than anecdotal evidence that Manny was a malcontent at the end of his time in Boston. However, it’s worth noting that the former general manager of the team, Theo Epstein, recently brought Ramirez on as a hitting instructor for a young, “impressionable” Chicago Cubs team. Perhaps time heals most wounds. Or the wounds weren’t nearly as grave as the talking heads wish to believe. Either way, there’s nothing media members love more than an apology.

Manny came out of the left-field wall…

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And Manny threw out the ceremonial first pitch…

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And everybody just had a grand time reuniting.

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Clay Buchholz Heads to the DL
Fans can only hope that the embattled right-hander’s ineffectiveness over the first two months of the season truly is due to some physical ailment. The player and the team had not identified any tangible injury that was contributing to the struggles. That is, until this week. Clay apparently hyperextended his right knee on Monday during his start against the Braves. Tweaking his knee could be a blessing in disguise since it seemingly gives the righty a credible opportunity to actually skip a couple of starts. From the ESPN Boston story:

Buchholz said he’ll spend the next few days watching video and trying to refine his delivery. He thinks he’ll be back on the mound throwing bullpen sessions in the next four or five days. … Buchholz appeared confident that he’ll be able to fix what’s wrong. “I know it’s not an injury to my arm like it was last year, so first and foremost is health of that area of my body and the ball’s coming out of my hand fine; it’s just a matter of getting that little fire that I had last year, as far as throwing pitches in the zone, pitching to contact instead of pitching to swings and misses,” he said.

The bellyaching last year that Buchholz took his time coming back from a shoulder injury is likely to return at some point in June if Clay misses more than a few starts. The difference is the Buchholz many wanted to rush back on the mound last year was a Cy Young candidate during the first two months of the season.

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Rubby De La Rosa Gets the Call
With the Sox in need of another starter for at least a couple of weeks, De La Rosa heads north from Pawtucket. Rubby has been impressive in AAA this season. His strong peripheral statistics (sorry, Bob Ryan) suggest it’s fine time to see if the results in the minors may translate to success in the majors.

 

NESN’s Jenny Dell Is Moving on to Bigger, Better Things Maybe
With the high school homecoming dance season a mere four months away, Jenny hath been freed to spread her wings and fly away.

 

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Love-scorned Wally the Green Monster publicly shuns NESN’s Jenny Dell on Truck Day™

Posted on February 8, 2014 | Leave a comment

NESN on-field reporter Jenny Dell knew that the backlash was coming. But she couldn’t have known just how deep or just how real things would get. And spring training hasn’t even officially begun.

News of Dell and Boston third baseman Will Middlebrooks’ romantic relationship became official last month. Amidst calls for Dell to be fired due to a conflict of interest, the reporter has been heaped a fair helping of criticism, all the while taking it in stride without creating any additional stir with any response. NESN subsequently moved her off the on-field reporting duties, for which her popularity has soared since she got the job prior to the 2012 season.

During a sitdown with Jenny Dell last October, Wally seemed to become distracted right from the get-go.

During a sitdown with Jenny Dell last October, Wally seemed to become distracted right from the get-go.

Unfortunately, thanks to an uncomfortable incident in which the Red Sox team mascot turned a cold shoulder to Dell during Saturday’s Truck Day™, she is coming to more fully realize the downfalls to being a bombshell reporter.

Sources tell Fenway Pastoral that sometime Saturday morning, Dell approached Wally the Green Monster about doing a lighthearted interview segment as part of NESN’s expansive Truck Day™ coverage.

Wally, a source confirmed, brushed his shoulder briskly as though cleaning off a bit of lint with one of his large, oversized paws, utterly dismissing Dell’s overture. Then he sauntered away.

All this comes just over four months after Wally nearly broke his 16-year silence by granting Dell an exclusive interview for NESN.com.

Media experts who initially called for Dell’s dismissal from NESN feel she’s simply being served her just desserts.

“It’s Truck Day and Jenny can’t get the team mascot to talk to her. God, that is embarrassing! This is really just Jenny taking her medicine,” spat one media guru, struggling to contain his excitement.

Many believe Wally grew his beard last summer in order to "keep up with Middlebrooks."

Many believe Wally grew his beard last summer in order to “keep up with Middlebrooks” in his lovesick quest for Dell’s affection.

“I say ‘Good for Wally’!” another expert said. “He’s just drawing a line in the sand on this and I commend him for it. I’ve heard that Jenny’s been leading the poor furry little thing on for two years. Now, it looks like the ol’ shoe is on the other proverbial over-sized, green plush foot if you know what I mean.”

However, people who have been around the team say Wally has had a hopeless crush on Dell since she was hired by NESN and that having to hear about her relationship with Middlebrooks over Twitter was the last, galling straw that broke the creature’s back.

(Fenway Pastoral also notes that Wally has a somewhat checkered past when it comes to his relationship with network talent vis a vis this 2011 story about his odd affection for Jade McCarthy, who left NESN for ESPN shortly thereafter: Wally the Green Monster Sends Lewd Text Message to NESN’s Jade McCarthy).

“I don’t want to say Jenny led him on or anything,” said a team official. “But, yeah, it’s possible he misconstrued her interview requests and photo ops with him as something more intimate. Look, Ms. Dell is a very attractive woman and sometimes, in the throes of love, we delude ourselves.”

The Sox mascot had only this to say through his spokesmen: “I admit it. I’m hurt. I’ve heard a lot of people say I’m not a real player even though I wear a Red Sox uniform, walk around on the field before games, and show up to charity events and birthday bases. I’m more or less one of Jenny’s coworkers. We’re both team employees. She owed me better than to do me like that. Things between us will never be the same again.”

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NESN reporter Jenny Dell’s scoop on Will Middlebrooks’ offseason work at 2B called into question by people with opinions

Posted on January 28, 2014 | Leave a comment

It was only a matter of time.

middlebrooks

WMB as Pedroia’s backup? Watchdog journalists are questioning whether he has the mechanics.

Jenny Dell has officially broken through with her first major “get” thanks to her privileged access to a player on the Red Sox.

During a segment featured on NESN Daily, Dell dropped a potentially significant bombshell upon Red Sox Nation last night: Will Middlebrooks, Boston’s starting third baseman and her current boyfriend, has been taking ground balls and “working out extra” at second base this offseason. Dell cryptically floated the news and refused to elaborate.

Media analysts, industry experts and professional linguists believe that if the report is true, the team is working Middlebrooks at a different position in an effort to expand his role with the team in case Boston re-signs Stephen Drew and opts to move Xander Bogaerts to third.

Jenny on ledge

Jenny Dell is standing by her story about her boyfriend Will Middlebrooks’ extended work at second base this winter.

As one analyst from the Poynter Institute noted, “The team doesn’t really have that clear-cut, utility infielder that really rounds out a true contender. Sure, there are a few guys like Brock Holt on the 40-man roster. But if Middlebrooks is able to serve as insurance against a Pedroia injury, the team will really enjoy a measurably higher amount of roster flexibility.”

It should be noted that Middlebrooks did indeed put in some time last summer working out at second base in case the team needed him in a pinch prior to Holt’s September call up. He even played four errorless innings at the position in San Francisco in August.

However, long-time media critics speaking to Fenway Pastoral on condition of anonymity are having a hard time digesting the veracity of this particular report.

“Will doesn’t have the touch OR the soft hands required to consistently work around the second base bag, initiating double plays, turning over tosses from the shortstop, fielding short-hops from the catcher on steal attempts,” observed one journalism ethics watchdog. “He’s got a good throwing arm, but that would be largely useless at second base. I don’t know how Jenny Dell – of ALL people – doesn’t know that. What games has she been watching these past two years?”

Said another respected observer, “He’s probably just having a little bit of fun is all. I wouldn’t read too much into it. It’s January for crying out loud. Maybe everybody should just freaking relax and see where things actually stand in March. I don’t know why people are getting all up in arms about this. The real question is can Will lay off the high fastball and hit for a consistent average.”

Added a Pundit Who Says Lots Of Stuff On the Radio, “I start at third base on the station’s softball team and I had to fill in at second one day due to an injury. It was a hard transition! The footwork and the timing and the angle at which the ball leaves the bat? All that stuff is so different at second base. I have grave concerns about this whole thing if it’s true. WMB better check himself.”

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This Week in Boston Baseballing, October 4 – 10

Posted on October 11, 2013 | Leave a comment

Much to the chagrin of local media yahoos who declared the Best of 5 Division Series “over” after two games, Boston did indeed travel to Tampa Bay and it actually took the Red Sox four games to take care of the Rays to advance to the American League Championship Series. Boston will face the Detroit Tigers in ALCS Game 1 at Fenway Park on Saturday night.

Kudos to NESN’s Jenny Dell, who broke the news first on Twitter mere minutes after last night’s deciding ALDS game against Detroit and Oakland went final at the Coliseum last night.

 

Big Papi and Koji Uehara: Two Heterosexual Guys Celebrating A Playoff Series Win
Look, let’s all be adults about this here. For one thing, somebody sped up the footage here to make it appear more suggestive….

Click to enlarge, be horrified

(GIF courtesy of OvertheMonster.com.)

…And for another, Koji could be seen earlier celebrating with catcher David Ross in a similar fashion, complete with a similar fist raise. Koji!

Koji celebrates with Ross

Ticket Prices Remain Reasonable for ALCS Games 1 and 2
The secondary market for tickets to the first two games of the ALCS Saturday and Sunday was relatively soft as of Friday morning. Strangely, upper-tier bleacher seats were listed on Stubhub for around $150.00-$200.00, right around the same going rate as unobstructed infield grandstand seats behind home plate.

Stubhub ALCS G1

The “Most Expensive World Series” In History Won’t Happen
A Forbes article from Wednesday broached the possibility that if the Pirates and Red Sox had advanced to the World Series, tickets to the games at Fenway Park and PNC Park would have reached historic peaks.

It would be the first World Series in Pittsburgh since Three Rivers, and the first world series there in a real baseball stadium since Bill Mazeroski walked off against the Yankees….If that were to happen, it could be the most expensive World Series in history, with two teams with average prices above $1,500.

It would also be the first time that an American League team from Boston played a National League team from Pittsburgh in the post-season since 1903. That was the year that the Boston Americans of the newly-formed American League beat the favored Pittsburgh Pirates in a best-of-nine series. It was the first ever World Series and neither Forbes Field or Fenway Park were even a twinkle in the eye of the baseball Gods. Forbes Field opened in 1909 and Fenway Park opened in 1912.

Xander Bogaerts Draws Two Huge Walks, Proves He Belongs
In his first postseason at-bat, 21-year-old Xander Bogaerts fell behind in the count 1-2 before working a key walk that spurred Boston’s series-clinching, two-run rally in the sixth inning in Tampa on Tuesday night. Earlier that day, Farrell had insinuated Bogey was perhaps still not quite ready for prime time when explaining why he’d not pinch hit for Stephen Drew against a lefty in Game 3 the night before. Well, a day later Farrell exercised his right to change his mind. Just in case there was any question that it was a fluke, Bogaerts worked a second full count before drawing another walk two innings later. He would score an insurance run prior to Koji Uehara’s dominant ninth inning.

Jake Peavy Comes Through
Right-handed veteran Jake Peavy gave the Red Sox 5 ⅔ key innings in the clincher in Tampa in what was by far the best postseason start of his career. While he was a more accomplished pitcher earlier in his career, Peavy could still very much be in the process of penning his ultimate legacy.

In an interview posted on Fangraphs earlier this week, the former Cy Young winner remarked about his transformation, which has included changes to his arm slot and the development of a cutter in the wake of diminished fastball velocity and a lower ground-ball rate compared to his peak.

“Everybody in the world has a way they throw a baseball. They start that from the time they’re a youngster and go from there. You can look at guys who people say have the best mechanics in the world, and their arms may not last. You have other guys who throw in an unorthodox fashion and never have an arm injury. I don’t think anybody has it down to an exact science. But I also don’t think anybody is going to watch me and say, ‘Hey, son, watch the way Jake Peavy throws. Let’s mimic that.’ Not too many people are teaching their kids to throw the way I throw.”

Craig Breslow May Be Pitching Even More Than Usual
The left-handed reliever threw 3 ⅔ scoreless innings in the Rays series and demonstrated no difficulty getting right-handed hitters out (1 for 9). Breslow was in fact better in 2013 against righties (.205 AVG) than lefties (.253) and, overall, threw the equivalent of almost 10 more innings against right-handers (34 ⅔) than lefties (25 innings).

Going into the ALCS, John Farrell’s confidence in Breslow seems to be at its peak. Detroit’s 3-4-5 hitters are Miguel Cabrera, Prince Fielder and Victor Martinez (righty, lefty, switch). Cabrera’s power has been sapped in recent weeks by groin and abdominal strains. It would not be a surprise to see Breslow face the likely AL MVP once or twice as his ability to get strikes on outside breaking balls could prove a key asset.

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This Week in Boston Baseballing, July 26-August 1

Posted on August 2, 2013 | Leave a comment

Boston took two of three in Baltimore against the Orioles and then lost a heartbreaker to the Devil Rays, 2-1, in a make-up game as David Price once again pitched a gem at Fenway Park on Monday. The Sox swept a three-game set against the Seattle Mariners, reclaiming first place in the process and notching a couple of the most dramatic victories of the season. The last two wins included a 15-inning win Wednesday night followed by a six-run, ninth-inning rally on Thursday to cap off the sweep.

Boston Plays Its Longest Game of the 2013 Season 
Wednesday’s 5-4 win over Seattle was one of those games the media gushes over because it was gutsy(TM) and team-building. Don’t sleep on the significance of the bottom of the 15th inning hero being Stephen Drew only a day after shortstop understudy Jose Iglesias was traded to Chicago.

From BostonHerald.com

From BostonHerald.com

Particularly in the era of the Wild Card(s), these win carry an intangible cost that may not be all that worthwhile footing. Then again, for the sake of argument, if the Sox fell on their sword and had their relievers throw meatballs, the Mariners’ lineup is hapless enough at times to mess that up. NESN cameras caught the Fenway digital clock striking 12:00 and Don Orsillo delivered the line, “Welcome to Thursday,” which kind of felt cheesy at the time…

Then the Red Sox Scored Six Runs in the Ninth Inning On Thursday
A fantastic show of lineup depth resulted in yet another dramatic win for Boston. Everybody and their mother got a hit for the Sox in the bottom of the ninth facing Seattle’s bullpen. Boston also got a little help from Seattle’s interim manager, who forgot his lefties from his righties…

The swing in win probability during the bottom of the ninth inning via Fangraphs:

Red Sox 8 Mariners 7

And here is the exact moment NESN’s Jenny Dell realizes that, yes, there was a camera trained on her when she took a few extracurricular squirts from the celebratory ice-water bath meant for Jonny Gomes. (Full video at Surviving Grady).

 Jenny Dell doused

Jake Peavy Comes to Boston
On Tuesday night, Jose Iglesias was replaced in the field in the eighth inning during Boston’s 8-2 win against Seattle. An hour or so later, reports came out that Iglesias would be sent to Detroit as part of a three-team deal that landed the Red Sox right-hander Jake Peavy. The move has been well-regarded by fans and media. It seems possible Boston, Chicago and Detroit will eventually see this transaction as a winner in retrospect.

Of course, if you’re a younger pup trying to make a name, you find a different angle: Enter Boston.com’s hard-hitting, bone-crunching, numbers-running Stats Driven analysis of the trade, in which some dude points out that Jake Peavy’s two playoff starts SIX AND SEVEN RESPECTIVE YEARS AGO constitute a “problematic playoff past” (alliterative and asinine all in one!). When you’re posting something on a blog called “Stats Driven” and you begin a sentence with “Obviously his 9⅔ in two starts is a tiny sample size...” you should immediately stop writing that sentence, get up from your computer, leave your dormitory and talk to your career adviser about finding a new major.

Big Papi Loses His Shit
David Ortiz’s dugout tantrum on Saturday night in Baltimore is pretty well-documented at this point. And it seems like a quaint afterthought in light of all that happened with the team over the next five days. Papi’s rage fell just short of earning him a suspension and ultimately, it was a no-harm, no-foul situation. And like a true superstar, he went 4-for-4 with a home run the following day. We’re not even going to bother showing the video here again because, really, it’s almost like it never happened at this point.

Daniel Nava Forgets to Play it Halfway, Loses His Shit, Gets Ejected…
Yet another Daniel Nava base-running gaffe put Jerry Meals in the position to not be in position to make an obvious call. Nava slid safely into home plate on a sacrifice fly that would have tied Monday night’s game at 2-2 in the ninth inning. Meals’ bad call robbed Nava a shot at redemption for an earlier mistake the hitter prior. On a long fly to right field, Nava putzed around with some kind of crow-hop in between second base and third base (closer to second) that resulted in his being stopped at third base even though the ball went over the right fielder’s head. Nava admitted his mistake after the game, as did Meals, who said from where he’d set up he could not see Nava’s foot hit the plate under the tag of Jose Molina.

MassLive.com got a great screenshot of the play from the NESN telecast:

Nava sliding into home

It’s hard not to like Nava, but he can’t afford to be bad at things like baserunning – particularly when he comes in as a pinch-runner in the late innings.

…And Then Redeems Himself A Few Nights Later
Nava capped off Thursday’s ninth-inning comeback with his line shot to center-field. It may have been a double or triple in its own right. But either way, it was enough to plate the winning run and ensure the team didn’t go into extra innings for a second straight night.

Frank Castillo Dies
The most bizarre piece of news during the past week was that former major league pitcher Frank Castillo drowned while swimming in a Phoenix lake on Sunday. The 44-year-old Castillo pitched for the Red Sox in 2001, 2002 and had a brief cameo in 2004. Watching pitchers like Castillo get by with smoke and mirrors can be an entertaining experience as a fan if you’re willing to embrace it. Castillo’s Red Sox tenure was poorly timed as fan angst probably reached a peak in volume during 2001/2002 as the team was being sold. Nevertheless, he took the ball and tried to make it work. Any true Boston fan should be able to respect that even if only in retrospect.

Frank Castillo

Roger Clemens Comes Back
The Texas Con Man made a surprise appearance at Fenway on Tuesday night as part of the team’s 25th Anniversary celebration of the 1988 “Morgan’s Miracle.” Other participants included Spike Owen, Dwight Evans, Joe Morgan and Oil Can Boyd. How great a week has it been for this team that Roger Clemens can set foot in Fenway and the whole thing is essentially a footnote?

Roger at Fenway 2013

John Henry Submits Independent Bid for The Boston Globe
Less than a year after he exited the futures trading business, news has emerged that John Henry may perhaps look to make a buck or two in the media business. There would be some pretty substantial conflicts of interest in the coverage of the Red Sox and, really, professional sports in general if Henry were to take control of the Globe. But frankly, the idea of owning a daily newspaper at all seems a bit quaint in this day and age, no? Are there any locally-based real estate developers out there that may be willing to convert a significant chunk of space on Morrissey Boulevard into, say, premium condominiums on the outskirts of a neighborhood that is gentrifying at an alarming rate?

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This Week in Boston Baseballing, July 19-25

Posted on July 26, 2013 | Leave a comment

The Red Sox took two out of three from the scuffling Yankees and lost two of three against the Rays, thanks mainly to a couple of gems by Tampa lefties Matt Moore and David Price. Boston is now just half a game up on Tampa Bay. However, as Dan Duquette would no doubt point out, Thursday night’s rainout (to be made up on Monday) ensured the Red Sox at least one more full day in first place of the AL East.

Meanwhile, a bunch of other stuff happened this week:

Jenny Dell’s Almost Sharon-Stone-in-Basic-Instinct Moment
SS Basic InstJenny Dell returned Friday night after a prolonged vacation (she did not make the trip to the West Coast with the team prior to the All-Star break). During last weekend’s series opener against the Yankees, Dell took to the Fenway Park stands for her “Fenway Fan Stories” sitdown segment with a couple of Sox fans . One of NESN’s cameras was angled upward so that it nearly caught an upskirt shot as Dell began to uncross her legs a la Sharon Stone while she turned from one interviewee to the other. Dell caught herself just in time – and/or a NESN producer was likely screaming in her earpiece. Seemingly aware of the close call, she finished the segment with a sheepish expression and her free hand placed on the outside of her leg as though to guard it from involuntarily falling into a more revealing open position. Welcome back, Jenny!

Dustin! Got A New Deal
Sources confirmed Tuesday that the Red Sox extended Dustin Pedroia’s contract through the 2021 season. The move was applauded by just about every writer and baseball analyst. All told, Dustin’s contract is likely to be an afterthought when compared to other nine-figure deals in the organization’s history (Manny Ramirez 8/$160m; Adrian Gonzalez, 7/$154m; Carl Crawford 7/$142m). The signing is rooted with a perfect balance of business sense and emotional backdrop. Pedroia needs the Red Sox (check out his home/road splits) and the Red Sox need Pedroia (he’ll be The Face of the Franchise after David Ortiz retires).

Clay Buchholz Got Peace of Mind from Dr. James Andrews
Alas, it was a complete waste of time in the eyes of fans and media that moonlight as amateur physicians who could have told Buchholz he has been healthy enough to pitch for weeks.

We can only imagine what these Budweiser-slugging ladies have been saying about Clay’s prolonged recovery…

Former Red Sox Gabe Kapler implored front offices to better educate players about advanced stats not found in USA Today
“At some point, Ben (Cherington) opened my eyes wide when he sent me a study on the sacrifice bunt and the value of the out in major league baseball at the time. I considered myself to be a student of the game, but this was the first time I had a baseball man illuminate such a study. It was at that point that I realized that baseball players are not the most educated people in our game — far from it.”

One would presume Cherington’s has reached out to bunt-loving Shane Victorino on this matter?

Trade Activity Watch
MAGGuys supposedly on the Red Sox radar like Matt Garza and Francisco Rodriguez were pawned to other teams. John Henry and Larry Lucchino told reporters they wouldn’t necessarily be making any major trades before July 31. Meanwhile, the Sox did have scouts in attendance yesterday as Peavy got a win over Justin Verlander. Several reports went out of the way to say the Red Sox have not discussed trading Will Middlebrooks to the Chicago White Sox for Jake Peavy.

It also seems possible that the Sox could sign Cuban defector Miguel Alfredo Gonzalez to a long-term deal that pays him a pro-rated salary for 2013 that still keeps the team under the luxury tax. He may or may not be of much use this year, but he would provide depth and also a much higher upside for the future than almost anyone else rumored to be available. If Philadelphia decides to be smart about moving Cliff Lee, the equation may change.

Upcoming
The Sox have three games against the Orioles this weekend in Camden Yards and then the team is back at Fenway for three against the Mariners.

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Other potential freak injury threats that the Red Sox ought to guard against

Posted on May 31, 2013 | Leave a comment

By and large, the 2013 Boston Red Sox have been pretty lucky in terms of games missed due to injury. Disabled list stints have been relatively limited compared to the myriad ailments the team dealt with during much of the 2010 and 2011 seasons.

Freak injuries, though, are a storied part of nearly every baseball team’s past. In fact, Clay Buchholz’s AC joint ailment is hardly the first time a Boston pitcher has supposedly suffered an injury in a bedroom.

Rumor had it years ago that former Sox pitcher Paxton Crawford fell off his bed and onto a glass in Toronto, losing a couple pints of blood. (Whether you’d like to believe that a hooker “helped” him find his way onto that broken glass is a matter of personal slant that we won’t judge in this here space. However, just to be safe, it never hurts to pay for a woman’s escort service in the currency of her choosing.)

Anyway, it may be useful for the Red Sox to be mindful of the potential for these types of injuries in the future. For instance, any of the scenarios described below could easily sneak up at any given time and derail a promising 2013 campaign.

Uehara

Shane Victorino: The bubbly, rambunctious Koji Uehara takes things too far when he incorporates brass knuckles into his normally playful post-inning dugout rough-housing routine. Predictably, Shane Victorino bears the brunt of the damage. Wary of ruining the team’s newfound camaraderie, Victorino puts on a happy face and is a good sport about the whole thing, even through multiple plastic surgery procedures. (For what it’s worth, Uehara had struck out the side on nine pitches.)

J Dell

Mike Napoli: A pop up is lofted into right-field foul territory at Fenway, directly over Canvas Alley. First baseman Napoli assumes he can sell out and goes after it headfirst because it looks as though the natural cushioning provided by NESN reporter Jenny Dell’s amply-sized breasts will catch his fall. However, the NESN reporter’s bosoms wind up dealing Napoli a boulder-like blow to the skull and he suffers a concussion.

Applebees

Jackie Bradley, Jr.: Pumped up about his recent promotion back to the big club, Bradley once again visits the Applebee’s in Times Square prior to the finale of Boston’s three-game set at Yankee Stadium on Sunday. Good ol’ standby, “intestinal turmoil,” lands poor JBJ on the 15-day DL and he is asked to take a separate plane back to Logan.

Stephen Drew: A witch sneaks into Stephen’s hotel room in the middle of the night and swaps his spinal column with that of his older brother, J.D., which recent MRIs have indicated is comparable to an 85-year-old.

Boras

Jacoby Ellsbury: After going 5-for-5 with a pair of homers and three stolen bases against Houston in August, Scott Boras sends in some cronies to kidnap Ellsbury so that he ends his season on an positive note heading into unrestricted free agency. The ransom price is set high enough that the Red Sox can’t afford it without exceeding the luxury tax threshold for the year. Ellsbury is forced to laminate all 300 pages in his Boras Binder while holed up in a small cage somewhere in Mexico.

Alfredo Aceves: An enterprising blogger creates a GIF animation overlaying replays of all 1,746 pitches thrown by Aceves throughout the first half of the season leading up to the All-Star break. Alfredo becomes so mesmerized by the animation that he cannot stop watching it. He becomes convinced that he has the ability to recreate a moment in which he actually throws all of his pitches at the same time. The project quickly proves a massive failure and Aceves retires from the sport.

David Ortiz: Due to a bookkeeping error, Major League Baseball tests Big Papi for PEDs a record 15 times over the course of three days and Ortiz is eventually so depleted of blood and vital nutrients that he is checked into Mass General. Boston Globe columnist Dan Shaughnessy waits patiently at Papi’s bedside to ask the tough questions.

MLB: Boston Red Sox at New York Yankees

Jonny Gomes: Sporting a shaved head and beard almost identical to Mike Napoli’s, Gomes wakes up one morning and becomes confused as to his true identity. The Red Sox roll with the whole thing for a while, but with Gomes sporting a sub-.200 OBP well into June, Boston decides to place him on the disabled list with avascular necrosis (the condition Napoli was diagnosed with this past winter). Gomes doesn’t complain.

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Jenny Dell has nothing better to do on a Sunday morning than mine through obscure statistics on BaseballReference.com?

Posted on August 5, 2012 | Leave a comment

Piecing together the statistical totals and fact-checking them against all the arbitrary round-number qualifiers must have been pretty cumbersome work.
This woman must never sleep.

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Jenny Dell’s request for Fenway Park PA announcer tryout has front office squirming

Posted on May 31, 2012 | Leave a comment

To the chagrin of both the Red Sox and NESN executives, Jenny Dell, seen in this NESN.com file photo doing her trademark pose, has thrust her hat into the ring of contestants vying to become Fenway’s next PA announcer.

The tall task of replacing the late Red Sox PA announcer Carl Beane continues Thursday night when Jon Meterparel of WEEI takes a shot at transforming his “Sports Flash” voice into a “Now Batting” baritone at the Fenway Park loudspeaker.

However, radio personalities are apparently not the only ones that believe they could become the next Beane or even, perhaps someday, the legendary Sherm Feller.

According to several organizational insiders, NESN on-field reporter Jenny Dell would also like to audition for the role.

Per decree by Red Sox CEO Larry Lucchino, tryouts are supposed to be by invitation only. However, Dell has made her expectations quite clear to enough people in the front office that Red Sox brass is becoming increasingly uncomfortable by the day with the prospect of giving her a flat-out ‘No Thank You.’

Dell, presumably tired of the immature catcalls and lecherous looks from perverts in the first-baseline box seats, likely views Beane’s vacant slot as her only ticket out of the stuffy confines of the camera well near Tarp Alley.

However, as one mole in the front office pointed out, “Let’s not be cruel about this or anything. But Jenny’s ‘Around the League’ reports can be a bit…laborious…”

Measuring his words carefully earlier this week, Lucchino seemed to agree. “We just aren’t sure that, how do I put this, her on-camera, um, charisma will appeal to people, you know…solely in an an an… aural sense.”

Said another official within the organization, “Look, everyone’s been real nice about this whole thing so far. We all watch her on NESN and gush over her conservatively managed beauty. And we’re happy she’s maintained a skin-to-shirt ratio that would make Nick Punto’s batting average look gaudy. But honestly, somebody’s going to have to man up on this and tell her the truth even if that means offending an employee of our sister company.”

So far, though, the prospect of turning Dell down has proven more difficult to carry out in practice than it sounds in theory.

“John Henry took her out to a nice dinner at Capital Grille the other night with the intention of politely saying no. We fed him this great euphemism about how you wouldn’t use your best outfielder as a designated hitter,” said one insider with knowledge of the proceedings. “But he got back to Fenway Park and couldn’t look anybody in the eye. He just had this, this stare. Then we found him several hours later in a trance just staring through a picture of the NESN logo like it was the Mona Lisa. Like all of a sudden he’s just mesmerized by the NESN logo? We have no idea what happened.”

Some members of the organization have come around to recognize the inevitability of Dell becoming the next Beane.

As one insider in the Dell camp points out, “In the early 1990s, the Red Sox replaced Sherm Feller with a woman (Lesley Sterling). Then, they had a few men do it. It’s time for a woman to take over again.”

Brainstorms are already in the works for the likelihood that the Red Sox eventually cave to Dell’s demands, including the idea of placing a camera in the PA announcer’s booth and filming Dell as she performs her duties throughout the game. “We’d likely condense footage from this ‘Booth Cam’ into a tidy 150-minute package that would be replayed on NESN during off-peak hours similiar to the Sox in Two wrap. One hundred and Fifty Minutes with Jenny Dell does have a ring to it. A high-definition DVD of highlights from the 2012 season could be in stores well before Christmas.”

One thing seems certain: Dell seems to have proven herself inseparable from the NESN microphone.

Observed one fan at Fenway on Wednesday night: “She carries that big old thing around with her everywhere huh? How can anyone think she was meant to be anything BUT Fenway’s PA gal? She is inseparable from the microphone. Go Jenny!”

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