Tag Archives: Boston Herald

You’re a little too big for those Peter Pan tights, John Tomase

Apparently, it wasn’t enough for your Boston Herald employers to antagonize baseball fans everywhere, including the hometown hands that feed them, with that ridiculous “Best Team Ever” headline last week.

Now the tabloid has unleashed this piece of epic ignorance (“Take your talents elsewhere, Lebron”) on the good people of Boston.

Frankly, your misplaced, childish provinciality is puzzling given the fact that you jumped ever so quickly at the chance to report a non-story desperately aimed at deflating the joy of the New England Patriots’ historic 2007 season.

You were naïve then to place your trust in a clearly biased source and you sounded equally as foolish today in bashing Red Sox ownership for making a shrewd business deal that is almost guaranteed to bolster its revenue stream.

Not only does your misunderstanding of relatively standard business leveraging sound like some 14-year-old girl whining on Facebook about her Spanish homework, but you employ a comparable level of vocabulary in summing up your feelings (“Gag”? Seriously?).

To sum up, you’re offended by the Fenway Sports Group’s consummation of a branding deal with Lebron James because it reeks of something Faustian—or worse, of unspoken approval of a basketball player who wears a Yankees hat. Oh yeah, and because the whole “Decision” thing that upset basketball fans everywhere eight months ago should have been a red flag to billionaires everywhere that profiting off his namesake is comparable to trafficking “blood diamonds.”

You also compare the deal as akin to relationships with A-Rod, Peyton Manning, the Montreal Canadiens and the 1986 Chicago Bears. Boy, you could really rile up the regulars at Sullivan’s Tap if you wanted to…

And don’t try to tell us your editors plugged in the Tiger Woods and Charlie Sheen references to improve your column’s Google rank. You wouldn’t want to sell yourself short as being anything but worldly and uber-topical.

But our favorite line has to be this gem: “The Celtics’ first order of business should be opening a Babe Ruth suite at the Garden.”

Dan Shaughnessy is probably pouring sugar in your gas tank as we speak for so boldly shoehorning a Babe Ruth reference into a sports column. Who the hell do you think you are?

Here are the facts: James is now a minority owner of a soccer team that plays on another continent. He’ll probably fly overseas after the season to film some sort of advertisement involving shooting a soccer ball through a basketball net. You act as though the guy will be writing out the Red Sox batting order or making decisions on free agent signings next offseason.

No modern day Carl Bernstein himself, even the Globe’s Nick Cafardo took the time to at least explain the actual nature of the deal between James’ LRMR entity and Fenway Sports Group’s EPL Liverpool soccer affiliation. You’d rather just blurt out a bunch of clichéd buzz words and call it a column. Referencing the “Super Bowl Shuffle” as a means of inciting vitriol would have sounded outdated 15 years ago, let alone in 2011.

Sure, there are questions that need to be asked about how focused Red Sox ownership truly is on developing its most famous brand—or at least the one Bostonians are most interested in protecting. John Henry and Tom Werner’s interests have surely become more diluted over the last year. Like any conglomeration of billionaires, they are certainly no strangers to money grabs and buying low on “stressed” assets such as Lebron’s namesake.

Sorry you have to find out this way, but these guys didn’t make their hay selling “Yankees Suck” shirts in Kenmore Square back in the 1990s.

From now on, just leave the kinda complicated stuff to the adults. In the meantime, why don’t you grab a crayon and scribble all over the file photo your newspaper ran alongside your column of Lebron wearing a NY hat. It’ll make you feel better.

Boston Herald Inside Track columnist conquers 19-oz. ‘Beckett Burger’ at McGreevy’s

BOSTON—Patrons of a Boylston St. bar owned by popular local band The Dropkick Murphy’s were stunned earlier this week to witness Boston Herald columnist Gayle Fee methodically ingest a gigantic cheeseburger promoted by Red Sox pitcher Josh Beckett.

Fenway Pastoral snitches saw the whole thing unfold and first-person reports from People Who Were There varied from troubling to downright hilarious.

According to eyewitnesses, Fee and colleague Laura Raposa entered McGreevy’s at around 8 p.m. Monday evening. Fee proceeded to order the $30 “Big Mouth Beckett Burger,” described to be roughly the size of home plate, with all the fixings.

Molly McDougal, 31, a regular at the Irish bar, was surprised to see the woman attack such a ridiculous feat by herself. “She looked like John Candy in The Great Outdoors eating ‘the Old 96er’ sitting there. We were all waiting for her to break out in meat sweats.”

Fee’s Herald gal pal Raposa sat idly by sipping a milkshake, watching her fellow giggly gossiper devour the monstrosity.

“We kept yelling to her that Ben Affleck was across the street getting a drink at the Mandarin Hotel bar, but she was focused on that burger,” said Ethan Yates, 21, a junior from nearby Emerson College. “The fact that she finished all her fries too made it all the more impressive in my mind.”

Fee becomes the first customer to actually finish both the entire burger and all accompanying French fries since the burger was added to the menu last month, according to bar employees. Proceeds from sales of the burger go toward The Josh Beckett Foundation, a charitable organization devoted to improving the health and well-being of ill, disabled and disadvantaged children. 

“We had a bucket ready for her in case she got sick, but she didn’t need it,” said busboy Gregory Powers, a locally-raised homey who lives in Brighton. “It’s really just a heck of an accomplishment.”

Powers’ awe turned into visible disgust when told that Fee was later spotted at J.P. Licks on Newbury St., licking an ice cream cone and bragging of her Beckett Burger binge.

Other bargoers were said to be equally as horrified even before the burger met its ultimate demise.

“That was awful. She absolutely inhaled that thing. I’m disgusted and honestly, I don’t think I can hang out here anymore,” said Vanessa Thicke, 21, who claims she initially started frequenting the establishment several years ago when it was known as The Foggy Goggle. 

Given the number of local enemies the petty gossip columnists have made over the years, some patrons expressed surprise that either woman was still willing to risk such public humiliation.

“I guess they’re just used to it all by now…Once word got around the bar and people realized who she was, they were really letting her have it,” said one unidentified man.

As for Beckett himself, restaurant personnel said he failed to finish the burger. After dousing it with mustard and taking a number of unnecessarily large bites in the early going, the Red Sox pitcher threw in the towel with about one-third of the burger left.    

File Under: Un-Herald-ed Pigging Out in Boston.