Tag Archives: Wally the Green Monster

Love-scorned Wally the Green Monster publicly shuns NESN’s Jenny Dell on Truck Day™

NESN on-field reporter Jenny Dell knew that the backlash was coming. But she couldn’t have known just how deep or just how real things would get. And spring training hasn’t even officially begun.

News of Dell and Boston third baseman Will Middlebrooks’ romantic relationship became official last month. Amidst calls for Dell to be fired due to a conflict of interest, the reporter has been heaped a fair helping of criticism, all the while taking it in stride without creating any additional stir with any response. NESN subsequently moved her off the on-field reporting duties, for which her popularity has soared since she got the job prior to the 2012 season.

During a sitdown with Jenny Dell last October, Wally seemed to become distracted right from the get-go.

During a sitdown with Jenny Dell last October, Wally seemed to become distracted right from the get-go.

Unfortunately, thanks to an uncomfortable incident in which the Red Sox team mascot turned a cold shoulder to Dell during Saturday’s Truck Day™, she is coming to more fully realize the downfalls to being a bombshell reporter.

Sources tell Fenway Pastoral that sometime Saturday morning, Dell approached Wally the Green Monster about doing a lighthearted interview segment as part of NESN’s expansive Truck Day™ coverage.

Wally, a source confirmed, brushed his shoulder briskly as though cleaning off a bit of lint with one of his large, oversized paws, utterly dismissing Dell’s overture. Then he sauntered away.

All this comes just over four months after Wally nearly broke his 16-year silence by granting Dell an exclusive interview for NESN.com.

Media experts who initially called for Dell’s dismissal from NESN feel she’s simply being served her just desserts.

“It’s Truck Day and Jenny can’t get the team mascot to talk to her. God, that is embarrassing! This is really just Jenny taking her medicine,” spat one media guru, struggling to contain his excitement.

Many believe Wally grew his beard last summer in order to "keep up with Middlebrooks."

Many believe Wally grew his beard last summer in order to “keep up with Middlebrooks” in his lovesick quest for Dell’s affection.

“I say ‘Good for Wally’!” another expert said. “He’s just drawing a line in the sand on this and I commend him for it. I’ve heard that Jenny’s been leading the poor furry little thing on for two years. Now, it looks like the ol’ shoe is on the other proverbial over-sized, green plush foot if you know what I mean.”

However, people who have been around the team say Wally has had a hopeless crush on Dell since she was hired by NESN and that having to hear about her relationship with Middlebrooks over Twitter was the last, galling straw that broke the creature’s back.

(Fenway Pastoral also notes that Wally has a somewhat checkered past when it comes to his relationship with network talent vis a vis this 2011 story about his odd affection for Jade McCarthy, who left NESN for ESPN shortly thereafter: Wally the Green Monster Sends Lewd Text Message to NESN’s Jade McCarthy).

“I don’t want to say Jenny led him on or anything,” said a team official. “But, yeah, it’s possible he misconstrued her interview requests and photo ops with him as something more intimate. Look, Ms. Dell is a very attractive woman and sometimes, in the throes of love, we delude ourselves.”

The Sox mascot had only this to say through his spokesmen: “I admit it. I’m hurt. I’ve heard a lot of people say I’m not a real player even though I wear a Red Sox uniform, walk around on the field before games, and show up to charity events and birthday bases. I’m more or less one of Jenny’s coworkers. We’re both team employees. She owed me better than to do me like that. Things between us will never be the same again.”

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Wally the Green Monster sends lewd text message to NESN’s Jade McCarthy

Boston clearly has a case of team mascot depravity on its hands.

In an unwelcome attempt to lure NESN Daily co-anchor Jade McCarthy into a behind-the-scoreboard rendezvous earlier this week, Red Sox fan favorite Wally the Green Monster has reportedly sent a nude photograph of his green-haired body, sporting nothing but his trademark Red Sox hat and a smile.

McCarthy wasn’t entirely sure what she was looking at Monday morning, when she first opened the text message on her iPhone. Team officials are unsure if Wally acted alone in the impromptu photo shoot while sitting inside Fenway Park’s famous left-field wall.

Insiders say it wasn’t the first time McCarthy had received a correspondence from the cell phone number she recognized to be that of Wally the Green Monster. But past messages were typically friendly, albeit indecipherable—letters, numbers or symbols jumbled together nonsensically. The fat-fingered Wally’s inability to properly type on his mobile phone was generally dismissed as a funny quirk amongst team employees.

But evidently, Wally’s frustrations were not limited to just the functionality of his mobile device. Things finally reached boiling point earlier this week.

The Wally sexting news comes just days after professional lacrosse’s Boston Blazers mascot, Scorch, was taken to task for receiving multiple lap dances during an ill-conceived halftime show at the TD Banknorth Garden this past weekend.

Harvard psychology professor Jennifer Houston was not surprised by the mascots-behaving-badly story angle that has peaked on the local radar during the past week.

“Most of the time, these mascots are deeply troubled individuals because so much of their lives is spent rooting for causes other than their own,” she said. “How can Wally respect himself as a member of society? He represents an inanimate object constantly being peppered by hard-hit line drives. It’s really no surprise he would so callously treat women with such insensitivity.”

Meanwhile, Houston sounded only vaguely hopeful the incident wouldn’t scar the talented McCarthy.

“I’m sure what Jade saw was nothing she couldn’t have found on the Internet using basic Boolean search logic,” she said. “Heck, maybe she’s into it. But I think more likely she will look like a deer in the headlights on camera for a little while after dealing with this whole perverse ordeal.”

One Red Sox official says the team is still trying to confirm that the flowing green fur that is so abundant in the photograph is indeed Wally’s.

“We have no further comment on the issue at this time. In the meantime, we’d like to remind fans that Wally the Green Monster and the 2004 and 2007 World Series trophies will be parading through Nashua, Portland and Woonsocket this weekend. Come join in on the fun!”

Lucky the Leprechaun, who left the Celtics organization in 2009, was unavailable for comment on this story. When visited at his home unannounced, a distraught Pat the Patriot could be seen snorting angel dust off the bare stomach of a Boston Bruins Ice Girl.