Local Man’s Game Recap (Red Sox 5, Yankees 1)

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CARVER, Mass. – Actually, I got a buncha Pineda trees in the back end of my cranberry bog. No joke. Big old sappy monstrosities. Provide a ample amount of shade during sunny summer days.

Oh wait. Yah, I meant pine trees. But there’s no difference between my big ass pine trees and the Yankees pitcher Miguel Pineda. Lemme make that clear here.

Settled into the Sox game just in time to see the umpires swarming on that cheating bastid Pineda in the second inning.

Pretty obvious he needs the stuff. He didn’t have anything smeared on his neck in the first inning. Grady Sizeman starts off the game with a triple and the Sox score a couple easy runs. Then all of a sudden he comes out for the second inning with a big shiny, shit-stain mark on his neck?

Johnny Farrell mighta been born early in the morning. But it wasn’t early THIS morning. Easy call to head out there and have the umps check the guy. Heard Ortiz was down in the video room getting ready for his AB and noticed something was up. I bet it’s pretty hard to miss a big old brown smear on a guy’s neck.

Looked like poo, right?

Those guys on the NESN camera crew should probably win a Pulitzer for that. They zeroed in like a sniper.

Wanna talk about a contrast? Let’s talk about how good John Lackey was tonight. Pounding the zone, pitching his heart out on a night the Sox needed a pick-me-up. Had to have a long outing Lack and they got it. Eleven strikeouts. Eight innings.

Hey, I’ve got a bit of an unsolicited proposal for New York right here to end it tonight: Bring back Pinetarheada on one day’s rest tamarrah. Let him try to redeem himself. Only condition is he’s gotta do what he did tonight – first inning with no help. Sizemore’ll hit another triple and the Sox’ll devour him again. He can come back out and try to be Cy Young thereafter. I ain’t worried. It’d be a good way to take a rubber game of a big April series against the Yanks.

Ed. Note: Carver man and friend of the site Francis Flynn is an avid Red Sox fan, Boston-born and bred. Flynn’s day job is maintaining a 10-acre cranberry bog and tract of farmland that has been in his family for three generations. But his passion is following his region’s most beloved baseball team. Flynn recently agreed to provide Fenway Pastoral readers with his own recaps throughout the 2014 regular season. All we had to do in return was promise to publish his pieces unedited and to send him a case of Miller High Life (bar bottles were specified) every week.

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