Category Archives: Red Sox

Scrollable Photo Gallery: Images from Red Sox Spring Training 2014

There’s been some beefing from fans arguing that the Red Sox should be on television a bit more during spring training. Or at the very least, some accessible radio coverage wouldn’t hurt. The mainstream sites have the daily lineups and general news round-ups pretty well covered. But other than updates on injuries, some tangible, visual evidence of baseball happenings is really what a fan needs most at this juncture.

Now that Getty Images has opened up a big portion of its image database to the general, free-loading public, Fenway Pastoral is here to help fans get their fix without having to click through any obnoxious, advertisement-laden galleries.

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2014 Red Sox Preview: RBI Baseball Comparables

Earlier this year, MLB announced plans to reprise the RBI Baseball name as part of a newly developed video game that would be available across a variety of gaming platforms. And really, who can blame them for trying to piggyback on proven success?

The original RBI Baseball, developed in the mid-1980s for the 8-bit Nintendo Entertainment System, is one of the best baseball video games ever created. Developed by Namco and published by Tengen, the game was licensed by the MLB Players Association, but not by Major League Baseball itself. There are only eight teams in the game (and also two All-Star squads). Teams are referred by city only and player names are not used anywhere within the original game. Presumably this will change now that Major League Baseball has its hands on the development process.

RBI J Rice

As we noted in the 2010 iteration of this post, playing the original RBI Baseball is especially satisfying for Red Sox fans because the “Boston” roster is absolutely stacked with both players who were good in real life and in the video game as well. Exactly why the game’s creators decided to make the Boston team disproportionately awesome remains unexplained.

Playing off of the Baseball Prospectus “most comparable players” feature that is used to develop the PECOTA projection system, Fenway Pastoral presents a preview of the 2014 Boston Red Sox real-life roster, as summarized by the “Boston” team RBI Baseball comparables.

Statistics following players are the totals as listed by RBI Baseball. Namco mainly used individual players’ numbers from the 1986 season in configuring gameplay skill levels. Exceptions included Tony Armas and Ellis Burks, as further explained below.

STARTING LINEUP:

Marty Barrett, 2B (RBI Stats: .286 AVG, 4 HRs)
2014 Red Sox comp: Daniel Nava
Barrett is a top-of-the-order guy who can routinely assault all fields with line drives and also knock out the occasional home run if an opponent grooves a pitch over the plate. He may not be the best leadoff hitter, but if a player is patient, RBI Barrett is almost never a cheap out.

Bill Buckner, 1B (.267, 18 HRs)
2014 Red Sox comp: Shane Victorino
The accomplished veteran who was a productive player in the National League prior to coming over to the AL for the back nine of his career. The similarities between Victorino and Buckner probably end right about there, but we have to saddle somebody with this comp and Shane is probably going to see the majority of his at-bats at either leadoff or the No. 2 hole, so what the hell.

Wade Boggs, 3B (.357, 8 HRs)
2014 Red Sox comp: Dustin Pedroia
The middle-of-the-order high-average, low homer guy. RBI Wade Boggs only hits dingers on mistake pitches or if the opponent leaves his pitcher in the game for too long. But much like the video-game Boggs, you can count on a bunch of doubles out of Pedroia even if the homers may be more of a rarity these days.

Jim Rice, CF (.324, 20 HRs)
2014 Red Sox comp: Jonny Gomes
Rice never seems to hit as many homers as you think he should. But that doesn’t stop you as a RBI gamer from swinging for the fences when he’s at the plate. If he makes contact and it doesn’t go over the fence, it’s usually a hard single to left field or a harmless pop-up.

Don Baylor, LF (.263, 31 HR)
2014 Red Sox comp: Mike Napoli
As the No. 5 hitter, Baylor’s 30-plus home run power makes him a guy you can’t take for granted in the lineup when playing RBI Baseball. Players who make mistakes over the middle of the plate are routinely embarrassed by tape-measure home runs. But Baylor hit for a low average due to 111 strikeouts in 1986 and he was clearly on the tail end of a productive career. The game’s creators at Namco largely chose to ignore all this when inputting his skill set for game-play. In a similar sense, Napoli’s propensity to strike out can be overlooked since he probably represents the team’s best shot at 30 home runs from a right-handed hitter.

Dwight Evans, RF (.259, 26 HR)
2014 Red Sox comp: Will Middlebrooks
Namco blessed Evans with power that can translate to all fields and very few of his home runs are cheap. For the 2014 team, we’ll give the honors to Will Middlebrooks. Sure, it may seem like a stretch but it’s not necessarily out of the question WMB runs into 26 home runs during the 2014 season.

Rich Gedman, C (.274, 16 HR)
2014 Red Sox comp: David Ross
Gedman gets overlooked due to the firepower in front of him. But he’ll get his knocks here and there if he gets the chance.

Spike Owen, SS (.231, 1 HR)
2014 Red Sox comp: Stephen Drew
Almost every RBI gamer will immediately substitute Owen out of the lineup for one of Boston’s more intriguing bats that wait on the bench. Who can resist when all fielder attributes are static regardless of who is substituted into the game? It doesn’t exactly work that way in real life, but Boston has more or less treated Drew this winter the same way Owen is treated by RBI gamers.

BENCH:

Dave Henderson, OF (.265, 15 HR)
2014 Red Sox comp: Grady Sizemore
Henderson is a sentimental favorite for those old enough to remember his two gigantic Game 6 home runs during the 1986 ALCS and World Series. He’s a good pinch-hit option in RBI play as well if the match-up is right and the player is looking to change things up. He provides some pretty solid pop off the bench and only further adds to the embarrassingly rich depth of the Boston roster. Sizemore has some comparable sentimentality going for him if people are willing to remember far enough back. Sizemore hit 10 HR for Cleveland in 2011 so it’s not too much of a stretch to think he could hit 15 for the Red Sox in 2014 if things break a certain way.

Ellis Burks, OF (.272, 20 HR)
2014 Red Sox comp: Xander Bogaerts
Burks’ listed stats are actually from the 1987 season. But he was a well-known prospect after being selected by Boston with the 20th pick in the 1983 draft. The Bogaerts hype will likely reach its critical mass by the time the season starts in April. Even if he underperforms early on, he belongs on the major league team. Forgive fans for looking ahead to what’s in store. No offense of course to Stephen Drew. But just to draw out this analogy, the makers of RBI could have either put a guy like Steve Lyons (1 HR in 275 PA in 1986) on the bench or fudged the truth a bit and, as they did, stuck 1987 Ellis Burks in the game. Who can blame them for choosing to include the exciting rookie over the veteran?

Tony Armas, OF (1984 totals: .264, 43 HR)
2014 Red Sox comp: David Ortiz
Armas’ statistics on the RBI team are from the 1984 season rather than the 1986 season. Instead of listing him with 11-home-run power (his actual total from ’86), he is blessed with the ridiculous power he exhibited in 1984, when he banged out 43 home runs. Even as he approaches 40 years old, Ortiz remains remarkably consistent in his power numbers. He continues to make solid contact on just about everything left out over the plate, year in and year out. Just as nobody knows for sure why the RBI makers decided to immortalize Armas’ 43-home run season from two years prior to the game’s official production, no one can quite explain why Ortiz seems to be able to keep turning back the clock year after year after year. Armas doesn’t have a position in the field, but a savvy RBI gamer finds a way to get the biggest power bat on the team into the lineup at all costs.

Marc Sullivan, C (.193, 1 HR)
2014 Red Sox comp: A.J. Pierzynski
A necessary evil. A placeholder. A last-resort option, hopefully. He fills out the roster and you hope, somehow, someway, he isn’t really needed after a while.

PITCHERS:

Roger Clemens (2.48 ERA)
2014 Red Sox comp: Clay Buchholz
The right-hander from Texas who shows ace potential but who ultimately seems to fizzle out a bit earlier than you’d like. If you begin the game with Clemens, you may very well run through the opposing order with ease the first time through only to see a couple of hitters take his fastball out of the park the next time through. Buchholz’s starts – and his career of late – seem to be mired in a similar state of greatness restrained.

Bruce Hurst (2.99 ERA)
2014 Red Sox comp: Jon Lester

Lester is the no-brainer for this comp, especially after his high-level performance during the 2013 postseason. (Hurst would have had a case for the World Series MVP in 1986 if things had gone differently.) Hurst almost always gives RBI gamers five innings (the equivalent of six or seven in a real game) and he misses plenty of bats along with way if players deftly utilize the screwball feature by holding the up button as the pitch is delivered, resulting in a killer amount of movement on offspeed pitches.

Calvin Schiraldi (1.41 ERA)
2014 Red Sox comp: Edward Mujica
St. Louis more or less treated the right-handed groundball specialist as though he were Schiraldi 2.0 by staying away from him in the 2013 playoffs. Mujica saved a bunch of games for the Cardinals, but ultimately the team sensed he was on fumes by October and he pitched a total of just 2.0 postseason innings. Mujica’s split-finger fastball doesn’t miss nearly as many bats as Koji Uehara ungodly split. But if the Sox can get the same kind of results that Schiraldi gave the Boston bullpen during the 1986 regular season, Mujica will more than prove his worth. (There are some RBI gameplay similarities here as well: The video-game iteration of Schiraldi tops out in the low-90s, doesn’t strike out too many hitters and tires fairly quickly. He is rarely effective for more than three outs at a time.)

Bob Stanley (1.81 ERA*)
2014 Red Sox comp: Chris Capuano
More revisionist history from the RBI developers here: Stanley never had an ERA below 2.60, which he posted in 1978 pitching 141 innings primarily out of the bullpen in the process of finishing 7th(!) in Cy Young balloting. Stanley was pretty good a few years before the game came out. But with a fastball that tops out at 82 MPH, RBI Stanley’s stuff isn’t going to fool too many people on most days. We’ll give the dubious honors here to Capuano, as the veteran comes to town hoping to give the team back some of the innings it is losing with the news that Ryan Dempster is retiring. It will work out some of the time, but with the lifetime National Leaguer heading to the AL for the first time, he is going to take some lumps.

Love-scorned Wally the Green Monster publicly shuns NESN’s Jenny Dell on Truck Day™

NESN on-field reporter Jenny Dell knew that the backlash was coming. But she couldn’t have known just how deep or just how real things would get. And spring training hasn’t even officially begun.

News of Dell and Boston third baseman Will Middlebrooks’ romantic relationship became official last month. Amidst calls for Dell to be fired due to a conflict of interest, the reporter has been heaped a fair helping of criticism, all the while taking it in stride without creating any additional stir with any response. NESN subsequently moved her off the on-field reporting duties, for which her popularity has soared since she got the job prior to the 2012 season.

During a sitdown with Jenny Dell last October, Wally seemed to become distracted right from the get-go.

During a sitdown with Jenny Dell last October, Wally seemed to become distracted right from the get-go.

Unfortunately, thanks to an uncomfortable incident in which the Red Sox team mascot turned a cold shoulder to Dell during Saturday’s Truck Day™, she is coming to more fully realize the downfalls to being a bombshell reporter.

Sources tell Fenway Pastoral that sometime Saturday morning, Dell approached Wally the Green Monster about doing a lighthearted interview segment as part of NESN’s expansive Truck Day™ coverage.

Wally, a source confirmed, brushed his shoulder briskly as though cleaning off a bit of lint with one of his large, oversized paws, utterly dismissing Dell’s overture. Then he sauntered away.

All this comes just over four months after Wally nearly broke his 16-year silence by granting Dell an exclusive interview for NESN.com.

Media experts who initially called for Dell’s dismissal from NESN feel she’s simply being served her just desserts.

“It’s Truck Day and Jenny can’t get the team mascot to talk to her. God, that is embarrassing! This is really just Jenny taking her medicine,” spat one media guru, struggling to contain his excitement.

Many believe Wally grew his beard last summer in order to "keep up with Middlebrooks."

Many believe Wally grew his beard last summer in order to “keep up with Middlebrooks” in his lovesick quest for Dell’s affection.

“I say ‘Good for Wally’!” another expert said. “He’s just drawing a line in the sand on this and I commend him for it. I’ve heard that Jenny’s been leading the poor furry little thing on for two years. Now, it looks like the ol’ shoe is on the other proverbial over-sized, green plush foot if you know what I mean.”

However, people who have been around the team say Wally has had a hopeless crush on Dell since she was hired by NESN and that having to hear about her relationship with Middlebrooks over Twitter was the last, galling straw that broke the creature’s back.

(Fenway Pastoral also notes that Wally has a somewhat checkered past when it comes to his relationship with network talent vis a vis this 2011 story about his odd affection for Jade McCarthy, who left NESN for ESPN shortly thereafter: Wally the Green Monster Sends Lewd Text Message to NESN’s Jade McCarthy).

“I don’t want to say Jenny led him on or anything,” said a team official. “But, yeah, it’s possible he misconstrued her interview requests and photo ops with him as something more intimate. Look, Ms. Dell is a very attractive woman and sometimes, in the throes of love, we delude ourselves.”

The Sox mascot had only this to say through his spokesmen: “I admit it. I’m hurt. I’ve heard a lot of people say I’m not a real player even though I wear a Red Sox uniform, walk around on the field before games, and show up to charity events and birthday bases. I’m more or less one of Jenny’s coworkers. We’re both team employees. She owed me better than to do me like that. Things between us will never be the same again.”

This Week in Boston Baseballing, February 1 – 6

The baseball season is rapidly approaching. Pitchers and catchers will begin to show up in Fort Myers in about a week and position players won’t be too far behind. Some guys, like Daniel Nava, Jon Lester, Xander Bogaerts, Will Middlebrooks and Jackie Bradley Jr., have already been down in Florida for a few days.

Unless you have a strong opinion about who should bat leadoff or the relative merits of re-signing Stephen Drew, buzz around the team continues to be fairly minimal considering the Red Sox won the World Series last year. That figures to change in the next couple of weeks.

The Leadoff Hitter Debate
On FanGraphs, Paul Swydan comes to the conclusion that Shane Victorino and Dustin Pedroia are the most logical candidates to take over for Jacoby Ellsbury vacated leadoff spot in the batting order. Ellsbury’s replacement in center is Jackie Bradley Jr. and, at first glance, may seem like he fits the bill since his on-base rate in the minors was strong. However, Bradley does not have a lot of raw speed, nor is he a notably better baserunner than Victorino or Pedroia. That’s leaving out the difficulties JBJ had getting on base at the major league level during his brief stint with the team at the start of the 2013 season.

As Swydan notes, the youngster who could enter the leadoff discussion isn’t JBJ but rather Xander Bogaerts, who showed an almost shocking amount of poise and discipline during his postseason at-bats.

Bogaerts has a keen batting eye, which make him an ideal candidate to hit at the top of the order. He struck out a fair amount in his very brief major league debut, but a) The Book reminds us to not consider strikeouts when constructing a lineup, and b) Bogaerts’ strikeout numbers in the minors were not egregious, and he should adjust as he gets more plate appearances. If he hits right from the jump, he would probably make for a better candidate at the top of the order than would Victorino, simply from the standpoint of being able to see more pitches. Victorino was right around league average, at 3.83 pitches per plate appearance (the American League average was 3.86), but Bogaerts was up at 4.10.

Victorino would figure to get the first crack at leadoff once the season begins. John Farrell seems to be the kind of guy who appreciates continuity so even if Shane struggles at the start of the year, this argument could be a non-starter if the team is scoring runs. Lineup construction is of limited value to begin with and there is no sense putting undue pressure on Bogaerts if it can be avoided.

David Ortiz Lost Some Weight Maybe
Moronic talk radio fodder: What if he’s gotten TOO SKINNY?

The Stephen Drew Saga Continues
In the Tuesday Boston Herald Clubhouse Insider, infield coach Brian Butterfield fanned the flames of uncertainty:

“Shortstop is so demanding, and they get so many groundballs and there’s so many times they’re handling the ball, consistency becomes so important, especially if you’re talking about a championship-caliber club,” Butterfield said. “If you do have a young shortstop and he’s going to be the guy — and we still don’t have a definitive answer on that — he needs to mature quickly and become a consistent defender in order for us to be successful. The groundball that he can get to on time and on balance, you want to get to a point where you know that runner is out. That’s a consistent shortstop.”

Drew was great for the team last year. But it’s worth asking why the Red Sox continue to be interested. Is it because they’re simply not convinced Bogaerts can handle the shortstop position at the big league level? Or is it that Drew could be had for a salary so far below what his production merits that Ben Cherington just can’t pull himself away? Or are they doing Drew the favor of keeping in touch to aid his market? After all, it’s looking like Drew probably did the Sox a courtesy by declining arbitration and a 1 year, $14m contract.

The Team Announces a Stacked 2014 Red Sox Hall of Fame Class
The primary news of the week coming from official team releases was the announcement of the team’s 2014 Hall of Fame Class: Pedro Martinez, Roger Clemens, Nomar Garciaparra and radio broadcaster Joe Castiglione.

Standards for induction are relatively lax:

To be eligible for nomination, players must have played at least three years with the Red Sox and must also have been out of uniform as an active player at least three years.

But let it be known that the team hasn’t had any inductions since 2010, a year that included inductees such as John Valentin, Jimmy Piersall and Don Zimmer. Pedro, Clemens and Nomar all go in together.

Curt Schilling Announces Cancer Diagnosis
Here’s hoping Schilling is able to kick this as quickly as possible and that he gets a fair chance to show what he has as a color man in the ESPN Sunday Night baseball booth.

NESN reporter Jenny Dell’s scoop on Will Middlebrooks’ offseason work at 2B called into question by people with opinions

It was only a matter of time.

middlebrooks

WMB as Pedroia’s backup? Watchdog journalists are questioning whether he has the mechanics.

Jenny Dell has officially broken through with her first major “get” thanks to her privileged access to a player on the Red Sox.

During a segment featured on NESN Daily, Dell dropped a potentially significant bombshell upon Red Sox Nation last night: Will Middlebrooks, Boston’s starting third baseman and her current boyfriend, has been taking ground balls and “working out extra” at second base this offseason. Dell cryptically floated the news and refused to elaborate.

Media analysts, industry experts and professional linguists believe that if the report is true, the team is working Middlebrooks at a different position in an effort to expand his role with the team in case Boston re-signs Stephen Drew and opts to move Xander Bogaerts to third.

Jenny on ledge

Jenny Dell is standing by her story about her boyfriend Will Middlebrooks’ extended work at second base this winter.

As one analyst from the Poynter Institute noted, “The team doesn’t really have that clear-cut, utility infielder that really rounds out a true contender. Sure, there are a few guys like Brock Holt on the 40-man roster. But if Middlebrooks is able to serve as insurance against a Pedroia injury, the team will really enjoy a measurably higher amount of roster flexibility.”

It should be noted that Middlebrooks did indeed put in some time last summer working out at second base in case the team needed him in a pinch prior to Holt’s September call up. He even played four errorless innings at the position in San Francisco in August.

However, long-time media critics speaking to Fenway Pastoral on condition of anonymity are having a hard time digesting the veracity of this particular report.

“Will doesn’t have the touch OR the soft hands required to consistently work around the second base bag, initiating double plays, turning over tosses from the shortstop, fielding short-hops from the catcher on steal attempts,” observed one journalism ethics watchdog. “He’s got a good throwing arm, but that would be largely useless at second base. I don’t know how Jenny Dell – of ALL people – doesn’t know that. What games has she been watching these past two years?”

Said another respected observer, “He’s probably just having a little bit of fun is all. I wouldn’t read too much into it. It’s January for crying out loud. Maybe everybody should just freaking relax and see where things actually stand in March. I don’t know why people are getting all up in arms about this. The real question is can Will lay off the high fastball and hit for a consistent average.”

Added a Pundit Who Says Lots Of Stuff On the Radio, “I start at third base on the station’s softball team and I had to fill in at second one day due to an injury. It was a hard transition! The footwork and the timing and the angle at which the ball leaves the bat? All that stuff is so different at second base. I have grave concerns about this whole thing if it’s true. WMB better check himself.”

The Youker Files: Packing up for a year in Japan

Written exclusively for Fenway Pastoral by former Red Sox infielder and fan favorite, Kevin Youkilis.

(Youker Files diary archives can be found here.)

As a child of the early 90s, I’ve seen the movie Mr. Baseball about a thousand times thanks to TNT and TBS. In the film, a former major league superstar played by Tom Selleck is traded from the New York Yankees to the Chunichi Dragons when his career in the U.S. goes south. Selleck’s character struggles to fit in on his new team.

youkilis mr. baseball

But then some weird stuff happens. He falls in love with one of the locals, wins over the fan base, starts to figure out the culture and, at the climax of the movie, hits home runs in seven straight games in really dramatic fashion. He marries the girl, returns triumphantly to the U.S. and winds up becoming the manager of the Detroit Tigers. I won’t rehash any more details in case some of the younger readers haven’t seen the film yet.

So anyway, the parallels here are eerie, right? Only a few minor details are different. I myself just finished up a less-than-stellar year with the Yankees. And I’ll be playing for the Tohoku Rakuten Golden Eagles, not for Chunichi. But otherwise – the killer mustache? the Hollywood pedigree? the rugged American sex symbol in a classic fish-out-of-water scenario? the hairy forearms? I’m blushing here, but yeah, I am like the real life Mr. Baseball or whatever.

Back when I went over to Tokyo in March 2008 with the Red Sox to play the Athletics to start the season, I didn’t have a lot of time to really assimilate into the culture or anything. It was just too much of a whirlwind. But if we had been there for a few more days, though, the vibe I got was that I was on the verge of total acceptance. I mean, no offense to Red Sox Nation here, but Japanese fans coordinate their chants in perfect synchronicity. It’s amazing. So I really think these Golden Eagles fans are going to nail the “Yooouuuk” thing pretty early on.

Plus, check out this picture the Associate Press got of me trying to follow along with a pregame Awaodoi dance routine put on by some of the native dancers. I think I held my own pretty well.

Youkilis in Tokyo

On top of that, just check out this article in The Japan Times about how Japanese baseball fans love the artistic genius of unconventional batting stances. In fact, the writer says I am the Michelangelo of batting stances. Yeah, I definitely feel the same way and he was my favorite Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle as well so there is just a lot of Zen-like harmony and symmetry in this world.

There are other reasons I had to do this deal with Tohoku you guys. I get a $4 million base salary and I can get another million more if I hit some basic benchmarks. And this is where I really took them for a ride: Part of how they calculate the incentives is how many walks I draw. I mean, c’mon! They would have been calling me The Wolf of Yawkey Way or something if MLB teams had stuff like that written into their contracts five or six years ago.

Some people have been asking about how I’ll assimilate into the culture. (Tom Selleck didn’t really get it at first because he was being an idiot.) But I think I’ll do just fine. I’m taking my wife, Tom Brady’s sister Julie, and my kids. Plus, I’ve done pretty well for myself in yoga class even after the embarrassment of that first session, when I accidentally ripped a fart in the middle of one of the poses. A lot of people sent me heartfelt messages after that incident and told me to just keep my head up and forge ahead. Turns out that farting isn’t all that uncommon during yoga and I never had to feel as ashamed as I did. I kinda figured that, but it was still nice to hear people come out of the woodwork and say it.

It’s not going to be all baseball over there either. I’ve got some things I wouldn’t mind doing while I’m over there. If they’re still around, it would be cool to meet the guys who made the 8-bit Nintendo video game Contra. I was so good at that game back when I was 11 or 12 years old that I didn’t even need to use the cheat code for unlimited lives. I’m pretty sure there are only a handful of us around so maybe the developers of that game would appreciate meeting me?

So I guess it’s off to the Far East. I’m not sure why they can’t just call it the Near West if you fly to Japan from California or really anywhere on the West Coast, but whatever. I’m not in the mood to fight every little battle. For example, the sushi thing. Yeah, that’ll probably come up a fair amount. I don’t eat raw fish and people will just have to deal with that.

I know that some of you guys out there kind of floated the idea of me coming back to the Sox before the team re-signed Napoli. Yeah, I would have probably crushed it at first base and as a DH spelling David Ortiz, but I think it was some Zen Buddhist or other Asian philosopher who first coined the phrase “Everything happens for a reason.”

If you really think about it, that’s pretty insightful. It’s definitely a little more useful than other motivational sayings I’ve heard like Millar’s “Cowboy Up” thing. Then again, Kevin Millar wouldn’t understand a good koan if you etched it on a baseball and drilled it into his ribs. I suppose that’s my way of saying the Red Sox will be alright without me. And, hey, if the Red Sox end up signing Masahiro Tanaka away from my new team, it’ll be kind of an even trade right? Funny how these things work out in the end.

And, look, at the very least my new career in Japan can’t possibly be any weirder than Manny going over to Taiwan last year, right?

Stop drinking chocolate milk, have breakfast, eat salmon and you too can live like Gabe Kapler

Want cut, chiseled muscles like former Red Sox outfielder and fan favorite Gabe Kapler? Well, stop drinking Yoohoo like an asshole and start binging on wild Alaskan salmon.

gabe kapler kapstyle

Kapler’s new blog, KapLifeStyle.com, is barely more than a week old. Yet he’s already touched on numerous subjects essential to survival (six-pack abs, juice cleanses, Whole Foods) and also not so essential (vacations, said flavored milk).

Kapler hit the ground running on his site, which is ostensibly aimed at ushering in a new generation of major league outfielders who get completely jacked out of their friggin skulls the old-fashioned way–one avocado at a time.

Kaplifestyle

Boston Bullpen Cop Steve Horgan on 2014: “I should probably put my arms down at some point this year, but then again maybe not, right?”

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Boston Police officer Steve Horgan spent just about all of the final two months of 2013 with his arms raised in the iconic pose that made him a household name during the ALCS last October. Fundraisers, galas, dances, balls, movie premiers, wakes, funerals, CPR certification classes – every occasion seemed to just naturally call for some Steve Horgan Arms.

During an exclusive interview conducted during New Year’s Day, Horgan admitted that old habits die hard.

“It’s been a lot tougher than I thought to shake this,” Horgan said. “I know you probably think I’m straining and going out of my way to keep my arms raised even when I’m just sitting in a chair conversing with you. But it’s not an act. This is all too real.”

The good-natured Horgan says that sometime in November, when requests from family, friends and strangers alike to Do the pose! reached critical mass, his shoulder muscles began reassigning themselves to support the weight of his upraised arms.

“Right now, if I pull my arms down to perform even menial tasks like brushing my teeth even just drinking a sip of coffee, it becomes very difficult for me because my arms and shoulders just begin kind of shaking. Normal, arms-down posture just isn’t normal for me anymore. My arms, they just kind of MUST be raised.”

Horgan takes a drink of water – most of which winds up on his BPD sweatshirt – in a downright chilling display that confirms his troubling affliction. He wipes the dribble off his chin by rubbing it against his now massive shoulders and returns to his former stance.

While people may presume that he will need to address the issue before it further impacts his quality of life, Officer Horgan isn’t so sure anymore.

“At first, I was a bit alarmed. I thought that I was some kind of modern day iteration of a Greek tragedy. ‘The Guy Who Wouldn’t Put His Arms Down’ or whatever. But I don’t know anymore. If every man on this earth has a purpose, maybe this is why I’m here. To put my arms up in the air. It seems to make everyone pretty happy.”

A conscious choice to cultivate his condition may spell the end to his days on the Boston police force. However, Horgan figures he won’t be hurting for cash anytime soon.

“I’ve hired an assistant to comb through various endorsement opportunities. We are in talks with a couple of deodorant manufacturers. And in the meantime, I’ve got a bunch of birthdays, bachelorette parties, Bar Mitzvahs and what-have-you lined up.”

Horgan also believes there may be a certain understated nobility to having a disease named after him, should the medical profession take notice of his rare condition for further study.

“You already got Lou Gehrig’s Disease, Tommy John Surgery, Steve Blass Disease…Now, add Steve Horgan Arms to that list. I’d be in pretty good company.”

One last thing Horgan seems to be sure of is that he doesn’t want to mess with a good thing.

“If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. You know? The Red Sox resigned Mike Napoli and are bringing back most of the guys who had such awesome clubhouse chemistry last year,” Horgan reasons. “In some way, I feel like I was a part of that feel-good vibe. Yup, I think I’m gonna ride this thing out just as long as I can.”

This Week in Boston Baseballing, Dec. 6 – 12

A very quiet Winter Meetings session for the Red Sox. Boston’s front office flew down to Disney World in relatively good shape and left Orlando yesterday in essentially the same state. The team’s most significant activity over the past few days was a reported minor league deal with 37-year-old Japanese submariner Shunsuke Watanabe.

The AL Managers Luncheon Photo
Check out Joe Maddon’s hair hat.


Mike Napoli Re-Signs with Boston
As it turns out, failing his physical last winter will net Mike Napoli some extra cash. The 1B/DH re-upped with the Red Sox for two years and $32 million, a $3-mil per year raise over his initial three year, $36 million deal originally signed at the end of the 2012 season.

It’s hard to fault the front office for being overly cautious when Napoli was first diagnosed with a degenerative hip condition when he went in for a physical last winter. With a year’s worth of intel to work with and little else on the market, the Red Sox pay extra for their caution, but have a better knowledge of how Napoli fits on the team in 2014-2015. Everything turned out pretty well for both sides in the end.

Japan’s Rakuten Golden Eagles Want to Play the 2013 Red Sox
From BostInno’s Hayden Bird:

Hiroshi Mikitani, the owner of the Rakuten Golden Eagles, is apparently a little taken aback by the claim from the Red Sox that they are world champions. Given that Major League Baseball teams are based in only two countries, it is admittedly difficult to claim such an international prize as the title “world champions” implies. And since Mikitani’s Golden Eages won the Japan Series earlier this year, he feels that the two champions should meet to decide the rightful world champion.

In January 2006, MLB’s 2005 World Series champion White Sox actually did play Bobby Valentine’s Chibe Lotte Marines in a seven game series and dispatched their Japanese counterpart in five games.

Schilling To Provide Color on ESPN Sunday Night Baseball
Aw fuck.

The Team Expands Its Fenway Liquor License
You’ll now be able to buy beers up until the end of the 7th inning no matter how damn long the game has already been under way. The ruling is of course a landmark for fans attending Red Sox-Yankees games, which typically run longer than any other matchup in the majors.

From MassLive:

The Red Sox will now be allowed to sell alcohol until the conclusion of the 7th inning, regardless of how long the innings last. Prior to the ruling, alcohol sales at Fenway concluded two hours after first pitch or at the bottom of the 7th inning, whichever came first. The commissioners said that the 7th inning stoppage of alcohol sales would create more consistency in the sale of alcohol because the two-hour mark in some games can come as early as the 5th inning.

The Matt Kemp Rumor Mill
In his preview of the Winter Meetings on Grantland, Jonah Keri broached the subject of Boston meeting with the LA front office in Orlando to discuss a Matt Kemp trade:

Boston is the team most frequently linked to Kemp. The Red Sox lost Jacoby Ellsbury to the Yankees, and might not yet be willing to give Jackie Bradley Jr. the starting center field job. Of course, one big reason the Red Sox just won the World Series is that they dumped a quarter-billion dollars in contracts on the Dodgers in August 2012; it might be counterintuitive for Boston to turn around and take a huge contract back from the same trade partner.

Kemp is reportedly off the market as of this writing. Which definitely means he’s still on the market.

Jon Lester and a Contract Extension
The Herald’s Scott Lauber has Cherington publicly acknowledging that the team is exploring a contract extension beyond 2014 for Jon Lester. Lester turns 30 in January and, since he’s a pitcher, it’s not unreasonable to think his best years are still ahead of him. Using Philadelphia’s six-year, $144 million deal with Cole Hamels in 2012 would be by far the largest contract for a pitcher in team history.

Frozen Fenway Will Include a Sledding Hill
Obviously the proceeds from this endeavor will help the Sox pay Masahiro Tanaka, right? MLB didn’t take into account the unbalanced profitability of the offseason sledding hill paradigm when it implemented a $189 million luxury tax threshold. This is a market inefficiency that Boston is poised to exploit.

fenway sledding hill

Artist rendering from Boston.com, as supplied by the Red Sox.

This Week in Boston Baseballing, Nov. 29 – Dec. 5

A tough week for Boston Red Sox fans. The team signed catching asshole A.J. Pierzynski to a one-year, $8 million contract on the same day that the Yankees inked Jacoby Ellsbury to a seven-year, $153 million deal. Making matters worse, a disappointingly wholesome issue of Improper Bostonian featuring NESN’s Jenny Dell hit newsstands.

Next week, Ben Cherington and Co. fly to Disney World for the Winter Meetings, which run from December 9 – 12.

The Yankees Sign Jacoby Ellsbury
Boston’s homegrown center-fielder Jacoby Ellsbury is heading to the Bronx, signing a seven-year deal. The Red Sox extended an offer that reportedly topped off at six years and $120 million.

Ells has gotten his big payday after helping the Sox to two World Series championships. It seems the majority of fans are happy for him or are at least grateful the Sox held a firm negotiating ceiling. Not surprisingly, Deadspin grabbed at the lower hanging fruit by listing a rundown of the ignorant, vocal minority within Red Sox Nation. As Boston Sports Media Watch noted, a lot of the local media is probably to blame for projecting the opinions of the relatively few “mouthbreathers” on the fanbase at large.

Anyway, the Shane Victorino signing last winter looks even better now, if that’s possible after his 2013 campaign. As Matt Klaassen writes on FanGraphs:

The Victorino contract, however, makes even more sense now that Ellsbury has left. At the moment, Bradley appears to be in line to the be starting center fielder in 2014, with Victorino returning in right field. If Bradley gets hurt or needs to be sent down, the Red Sox have Victorino to take over in center field. If Bradley does well, they still have two center fielders out there, not only providing good defense, but enabling one to have a day off when he needs it.

The Yankees Will Exceed the Luxury Tax Threshold in 2014…
…You know, if that makes Red Sox fans feel any better. As Yankees blog It’s About the Money details in Goodbye Operation 189, Ellsbury’s arrival in New York isn’t exactly a mic-dropping moment in the team’s offseason:

….At this point it’s safe to assume the plan to get under the luxury tax threshold this season is going away. Mathematically it could still be done and still be done with room to spare if A-Rod’s suspension is upheld. But it would come at the expense of filling more than 1 of the remaining roster holes with better players and there’s been nothing to indicate the Yankees have any interest in taking that route. You don’t plunk down $238 million to address a few holes and then call it a day, not when the top free agent on the market who also happens to be your best recent homegrown player is still unsigned and not when your current 3-5 starters have a combined 436.2 career IP.

The Red Sox Sign A.J. Fucking Pierzynski
As detailed in this space on Tuesday, A.J. Pierzynski is hardly the first maligned player to join the Red Sox. Most of these types of guys wind up as journeymen for good reason during the latter stage of their careers because their value is aided by their lack of popularity. Yet somehow Boston shelled out an alarming $8 million for Pierzynski, who joins his third team in as many years and will hopefully be relegated to part-time duty by August. Perhaps the Red Sox could find it in their hearts to introduce Variable Ticket Pricing that includes discounts to fans having to personally witness the sight of Pierzynski in a Red Sox uniform?

Salty Goes to Miami
Jarrod Saltalamacchia’s signing with the Marlins for 3 years, $21 million almost became a footnote within a few hours thanks to the Pierzynski and Ellsbury signings. Deadspin didn’t even bother collecting any related Red Sox fan tweets containing misspellings.

Cherington Adds Reliever Edward Mujica to Arsenal
The Red Sox GM just could not help himself from signing the reliever on the free agent market that most closely resembles Koji Uehara. As his fastball velocity has diminished in recent years, Mujica has remade himself by primarily featuring a breaking ball that is best classified as either a splitter or change-up. When that pitch is on, it is eerily similar to Koji’s shutdown split. At a cost of just under $5 million per year for 2014 and 2015, the move is shrewd and a much better bet for depth than trading for a guy like Joel Hanrahan. Or Andrew Bailey. Or Clay Mortensen…

The Standells’ Dick Dodd Dies
The Red Sox first played “Dirty Water” after every win back in 1997, but the song had been a fan favorite at Fenway Park for years prior. Bet on “Dirty Water” enduring a hell of a lot longer than “Sweet Caroline.”