Good-natured newcomer Shane Victorino anxious to be dressed down by hard-assed Boston media

Favorable press is nice, sometimes, but unabashed gushing can beleaguer a major league ballplayer just as easily as vitriolic barbs from Boston’s talented stable of provocateurs.

That is the Number One Reason why Shane Victorino is excited to be a Red Sox.


Unlike Carl Crawford, new Red Sox outfielder Shane Victorino is ready to take on some serious abuse from local media this season (Photo from

Speaking at the team’s spring training facility earlier this week, Boston’s newly signed switch-hitting outfielder expressed enthusiasm for what he expects to be a miserable first year in town trying to win over a by-and-large skeptical, provincial fellowship of bitter white dudes.

“In Philly all those years and then in LA for part of last year, it was like a honeymoon. The media was just kind of indifferent toward me. It was infuriating that they were so affectionate all the time. Calling me the ‘Flyin’ Hawaiian’ and applauding my non-stop hustle. Fuck, that got old.”

After signing a 3-year, $39m deal to play in Boston, Victorino suspects those days are in the past.

“I sure hope so,” he said. “I can’t wait for my first 0-for-5 game. I hope it comes early on in the season so we can get the hand-wringing going right out of the gate. Seriously, the press is even crapping on David Ortiz for not playing in spring training games after rupturing his Achilles last year. I mean, David Ortiz! The guy won two World Series and is a fan icon…”

Asked about any other character flaws that might be gradually introduced into columnists’ rip-jobs, Victorino did not shy away from offering up some nuggets that will undoubtedly be filed away for later use.

“Let’s see. I don’t participate in charitable endeavors as much as I could. My back is kind of sore. I don’t mind video games. I’m not going to hit 30 home runs or have 100 RBI. I hate Dunkin’ Donuts coffee. I’m not Caucasian. And oh yeah, $39 million is a lot of money, but I’ll be honest with you guys: I don’t even really need all of it.”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s