Pathetic Red Sox Brawl with Indians, Attempt to Avoid Irrelevance

Yawn. Does this team really think instigating a benches-clearing, bullpen-emptying brawl will bring the fans back? Against the Indians?

Really, this is one of the most transparent attempts at salvaging relevance that a local sports team has constructed in a long, long time. It took Cleveland pitchers something like eight pitches over the course of seven innings before a Boston hitter even conjured up the nerve to pretend to be angry.

Adrian Beltre wasn’t even that upset when he took several steps toward the mound still wielding his bat. It’s a contract year, though, so of course he wants to look like a “team guy.” Total phony.

Facts are facts. Youk and Pedroia are on the DL. Ratings are down. Ambivalence is up. Casual fans (and NESN employees!) think Bill Hall is Mike Cameron and vice versa.

It’s over, everybody. The Red Sox are so passé. Worse yet, they’re 5.5 games behind the Yankees in the Wild Card race. Fan interest has made its inglorious return to the pre-Pedro days (officially dubbed by historians as the Days When You Could Get $20 Bleacher Seats An Hour Before the Game Without Having to Give A Scalper A Handjob).

A Tuesday night brawl against the Cleveland Indians ain’t gonna change that. Boston has roughly a 27% chance to make the playoffs after last night’s win. A 127% chance would sound a lot better.

What? Nobody else noticed that Jacoby Ellsbury didn’t even throw a punch? Reminds us of Nomar in Yankee Stadium that one time.

John Lackey made sure he challenged his big goofy white dude doppelganger, Shelley Duncan. Was that a toothpick in his mouth? C’mon…

It was vexing enough watching this team string together several late-inning comebacks over the past few days. Who wants to watch the team win if it’s going to take three and a half hours? The economy might be in the dumper, but we still have things to do. Either jump out to a quick lead or don’t bother winning at all.

Mike Lowell’s home run is a nice story. But if he keeps swinging at the first pitch, he’s not going to be much help down the stretch. Work the count full next time, Mike. Let the drama build a little for crying out loud. Reminds us of Nomar in Yankee Stadium that one time.

Everybody keeps talking about this guy Ryan Kalish. He is certainly no Jason Bay. (He hasn’t even hit a dinger yet.) The Trot Nixon comparisons are equally as ridiculous. Moles inside the organization have already confirmed that he has, indeed, had his uniform washed multiple times since his call up only four days ago.

Boy is it depressing to see the Devil Rays in first place in August.

Reminds us of Nomar in Yankee Stadium that one time.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s