CARVER, Mass. – Today felt like spring had finally arrived in my neck of the woods. I could hear the chirping birds. Smell the onset of dewy mornings. I woke up to bright, all-encompassing sunshine. It put a smile on my face. I drank a couple cups of Taster’s Choice and headed outside to get down to business on the cranberry bog.
After about an hour or so, I was feeling pretty good. That dull but welcomed hangover from celebrating the first win of the season with a couple double glasses of whiskey was beginning to lift.
And then all hell broke loose. A couple of high schoolers skipping out on gym class. Just a total blur. Some wine coolers. Some e-cigarettes. Some sort of sorry excuse for a prophylactic that could have doubled for an adequate plug-up for the leak in the tire of my ATV. These two sick hippies were getting busy right out in the middle of the back end of the bog. Probably high on goddamned gangja bought at one of the many shady mary jane dens I’m positive have been springing up in this hell in a handbasket state.
It was a classic case of disregard for private property. Two stoners, enjoying the benefits of what they thought was Nature’s Motel Room or some shit. Some day South Shore cranberries will be extinct the same way bananas are on their way out. Don’t come crying to me because it’s all the rest of yous’ fault for raising your kids this way. I did my part.
Come to find out, I spent most of the morning cleaning up the trash left behind by those scoundrels. So I was ready for some baseball well before first pitch. And the Sox didn’t disappoint.
I continue to be impressed by this Alex Bogaerts. He just has a certain something that you can’t put your finger on. He wants it. More than Steve Drew ever did. (Guys named Steve are always bad news.) And that’s why they should give Drew’s World Series ring to charity tomorrow. A cancer survivor or a fireman or one of the founders of Aerosmith. Who’s that guy think he is just blowing off something like a ring ceremony? He’s worse than his brother. I’ve been saying it for years.
But moving on, Koji threw real well in the ninth. Real well. My buddy told me he just turned 39 years old but I think it’s obvious he’s lying. I believe he’s my long-lost 10-year-old son (there was a woman one night, down in East Bridgewater, a long time ago…I don’t want to talk about it).
We’re looking at a 2-1 record now. Boston is actually pretty good, just like I’ve been predicting back around Christmas. It’s early, but usually if you start out strong you kind of set the tone and carry through. Anything can happen I guess.
Fenway Pastoral 