Sources say Red Sox close to signing Mystery Guy to multi-year, multi-million-dollar deal

Drop everything. The Red Sox are opening up their checkbook, front office insiders confirmed Tuesday night.

The Red Sox have made an unofficial official offer to a Mystery Guy, say sources who likewise shan’t be named.

Readers may or may not be acquainted with this Mystery Guy, who played for another team last year.

In the photo above, new Sox GM Ben Cherington talks to the media about something completely unrelated to the Mystery Guy.

A growing number of insiders believe the Mystery Guy is going to be coming to Boston to play for the Red Sox–as long as he doesn’t sign with several other teams also reported to be in the running for the services of this Mystery Guy. Those teams include, but may not be limited to, the Arizona Diamondbacks, Atlanta Braves, Baltimore Orioles, Chicago White Sox, Chicago Cubs, Colorado Rockies, Cincinnati Reds, Houston Astros, Miami Marlins, New York Yankees, New York Mets, Texas Rangers, San Francisco Giants, Seattle Mariners and Denver Broncos.

The talking heads on television and the radio are sure going to have hours of material if the Mystery Player signs a multi-million dollar contract with the Boston Red Sox.

Scouts have already applauded the potential move as a winner.

“Obviously the Mystery Guy has a name cache that speaks for itself,” said one talent observer. “It’s not even worth going into the particulars. We can all agree that the Red Sox will be a better team with the Mystery Guy on it…as long as it’s for that specific number of years and specific amount of money that is being intermittently reported as fact and as idle speculation.”

Indeed, the number of years and money is always an important factor in any Hot Stove signing. The Winter Meetings are an ideal time for general managers to discuss the particulars of contracts with players’ agents. Presumably, Cherington has had extended conversations with the agent representing the Mystery Guy. Surely, the Mystery Guy wouldn’t be rumored to be coming to the team if that were not the case.

Red Sox fans are already sounding off on the merits and shortcomings of the Mystery Guy.

“Mystery Guy is exactly the kind of player this team needs right now,” said Bert Smith as he strolled through Kenmore Square Tuesday evening.

“I’m not so sure,” said Smith’s friend, Edward. “I can’t think of the names of the Other Guys right now, but Mystery Guy wouldn’t be my first choice. Oh well. Is there any chance that all these reports are just complete and utter bullshit?”

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