During supper time on the east coast Tuesday night, NESN baseball insider Peter Gammons posted on his @PGammo Twitter feed, in his usual sage yet cryptic style, ‘P’.
That’s it. P.
Thinking on this whole thing rationally after a tortured, sleepless night, there are really only a handful of explanations for the message, which will now be presented forth in a classic “polyletter,” “multiword” (if you will) written technique that we employ not to rival, but only to attempt to explain the meaning of Gammons’ post-postmodern, uber-brevity.
P Theory #1: Gammons was beginning to speculate on a possible landing spot for (P)ujols, Albert, baseball’s best player who also happens to be on a collision course with free agency and a $300 million contract this fall. However, his inside source got cold feet as he began clicking away on his Blackberry.
Back in the old days with the Boston Globe–when people read the paper’s Sunday Baseball Notes column unironically– Gammons had a knack for tossing conjecture out into the open for public consumption. If Twitter existed back when Peter was on the phone 20 hours each day during baseball season, talking to executives and insiders nonstop, just sending out the first letter of a last name would have been a pretty major deal.
P Theory #2: Peter is employing the Little Orphan Annie Decoder Ring methodology: Each day, baseball fans need to visit @PGammo on Twitter in order to obtain the next letter in the long, elaborate message. Who knows, tomorrow’s letter might be an ‘E’ and the day after could be a ‘D’, then an ‘R’, then an ‘O’……and then Peter would probably get sick of stringing everyone along like a goddamn maniac and just finish on Sunday with “will sign with the Red Sox and be ready to take over the No. 5 spot in the pitching rotation by mid-June.” Note: For the WEEI listeners trying to read this blog, that first word fully spelled out is “Curt Schilling.”
P Theory #3: Peter flew back to Boston from Florida because he had front row seats for the Lady Gaga concert at the Garden Tuesday night and began describing something he saw as she strolled toward the edge of the stage: ‘P’… Then he thought better of it.
P Theory #4: The last theory is also the most far-fetched of all the P Thoeries set forth in this space. In some miraculous convergence of universal improbability, Peter did not lock his smart phone and, as it jostled around haphazardly in his suit jacket, the proper combination of buttons was somehow pressed, not only opening the Twitter application and signing into the @PGammo account, but also typing the capital letter ‘P’–which just so happens to be the first letter in either the first or last names of numerous prominent baseball stars who may or may not be rumored to be on the move this season, according to top baseball executives and industry insiders.
Now, you tell us who’s crazy…
Fenway Pastoral 