Hefty Yankees hurlers to star in remake of ‘80s Fat Boys classic ‘The Disorderlies’

The original Disorderlies film garnered rave reviews when it was released nearly 25 years ago.

Advancing Hollywood’s undying mission to remake and ruin every classic movie made during the 1980s, three New York Yankees pitchers will reportedly star in a remake of the 1987 film The Disorderlies, starring the lovable, overweight rap-singing trio The Fat Boys.

According to one executive producer, who requested anonymity, CC Sabathia, Bartolo Colon and Joba Chamberlain are expected to be awarded the leading roles. However, some say casting directors believe they have some decisions to make regarding Phil Hughes and Freddy Garcia.

“These guys were all pretty hilarious during auditions,” said the source. “We put Derek Jeter in a wheelchair to mimic Ralph Bellamy’s role as the old man and they were just having an absolute ball rolling him around the field. That team is loaded with talent.”

The script is expected to closely honor the movie’s original premise in which an over-privileged, nepotistic heir to a billionaire’s fortune aims to speed up the process of an old man’s advancing death by hiring three overweight, incompetent orderlies with a penchant for rapping.

Like the original Fat Boys trio of Markie*, Buffy and Kool, the Yankees’ Sabathia, Colon and Chamberlain will engage haplessly in considerable fish-out-of-water hijinks and presumably a considerable amount of sweaty, Dominoes pizza-fueled hilarity.

*NOTE: Markie passed away in 1995, when Sabathia was just a svelte 230-pound sophomore in high school.

Yankees team owner Hank Steinbrenner has not officially approved the deal that would make the three Yankees immediate stars of the silver screen.

However, producers are not worried.

“This is still America, isn’t it? I don’t see how Hank Steinbrenner could legally justify blocking any of his players from capitalizing on their obvious stardom.”

Both Sabathia and Colon are reportedly working hard to perfect their “beat-boxing” technique: creating percussion sounds and rhythmic beats using only their mouths.

The catchy mouth-turned-drum machine chorus to the Fat Boys’ rendition of the Beatles hit “Ba-Ba-Ba-Ba-Baby You’re a Rich Man” could be clearly heard from outside a closed door near the Yankees’ clubhouse earlier this week.

Because most of the picture takes place in southern Florida, the movie could begin filming as soon as next month, with a summer release date and uncut DVD/Blu-ray editions in retail stores for the 2011 holiday season.

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