Don’t bother advance-booking your flight out of Boston on Sunday, Joe West

Eat a big brunch on Sunday morning, pal. You should probably take a big dump just prior to game time, too. You’re gonna be on the field at Fenway Park for quite a bit longer than three hours.

Isn’t that cute…You’re trying to soften your well-publicized gripes about the Red Sox and Yankees “embarrassing” the game with their slow, deliberate play. The real embarrassment is that somebody (you) employed by a money-making enterprise (Major League Baseball) could possibly complain about the two components of the business (Boston and New York) that generate the most revenue for this said enterprise, thus facilitating paychecks for its employees (including you, Joe).

The damage is done and now the Sox have a golden opportunity to stick it up your craw, if it can be found amongst your many chins.

See who’s starting for the Kansas City Royals on Sunday afternoon? Gil Meche. He walks over six guys per nine innings (6.29 BB/9)—worst in the Major League. He allows, on average, about two base-runners per inning (1.85 WHIP). He has been damn near the definition of terrible all year. In his first start of the season, in fact, the Red Sox managed three walks against him in just 3.1 innings.

And Pyro Gil gets the ball in Fenway Park on get-away day of what promises to be an orgy of runs for the Red Sox this weekend.

The Red Sox lineup is clicking on all cylinders right now, Joe. They have been having their way with some of the league’s best pitchers over the last week. Working counts, drawing walks and driving guys in with timely base hits.

Guys like Dustin Pedroia haven’t hidden how miffed they were by your ignorant, misplaced criticism. So, really, what incentive in the world will they have to swing at all? Ol’ Pyro Gil has already proven he can’t throw strikes to save his life this season. Let’s see how many strikes you can get away with calling while MLB undoubtedly scrutinizes your crew’s performance this weekend.

The Sox are going to drag Sunday’s game out for as long as possible. Forget about hitters getting the green light on 3-0 counts, Joe. This is one game where the Red Sox owe it to you to prolong every at-bat. Bill Hall doesn’t even plan to take a bat with him to the plate. Kevin Youkilis is going to send about 50 fans home with souvenir foul balls. Marco Scutaro’s tennis elbow is going to make it mysteriously easy to fight off 3-2 pitches with weak grounders into the KC dugout. J.D. Drew? Well, he isn’t going to change a damn thing about his approach at the plate.

If all else fails, the Sox can pull their scheduled starter, Jon Lester, after six innings and put in Jonathan Van Every for a couple innings of long relief.

Anyway, enjoy Daisuke Matsuzaka’s start tonight. You should be in bed by about 2 a.m.

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