Blogger Gabe Kapler tells his readers how to work out, eat right and blow a better load


Former MLB player and one-time Red Sox fan favorite Gabe Kapler’s lifestyle/health blog “Kapstyle” is a fantastic source of information. Kap’s written about a whole host of topics, his favorites being weight lifting, cross training, weight management, workout routines and all the other similar stuff you expect from a dude of his stature.

In a column posted on Monday, Kapler extolled the many virtues of coconut oil, including everything from its dietary advantages to its dermatological powers to its ability to whiten teeth for a fraction of the price of those whitening strips.

But the bodybuilder-cum-professional athlete-cum-sports analyst-cum-blogger saved the best for last:

You’re moisturized and smelling tropical, your teeth are white and your face looks like you’ve just visited a Beverly Hills plastic surgeon. The sun has set, and the moon is out. Perhaps you have a friend nearby, perhaps it’s just you by your lonesome…well, this is awkward. I’ve promised you authenticity, honesty and openness. Take this how you wish and I’ll spare you the step by step. Coconut oil is the world’s greatest lubricant. I can’t help where your mind goes with this. Once the ball leaves the bat, I can’t steer it.

Sleep well,

Kap

Gabe buried the lede here and he clearly has little respect for that whole inverted pyramid reporting style. But he more than makes up for it with his well-crafted subtlety. When was the last time a sports column in the Boston Globe or the Boston Herald told you about something that feels awesome on your genitals?

Thanks to Kapler, the world may almost be ready for Wade Boggs’ “lifestyle” blog…

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